Reflections
by Descending Rival
Summary: Where the battle in Jotunheimr occurs, but when Thor and Loki are younger. Thor is not banished, Loki does not have the courage to confront his father, and things happen a bit differently. Loki gets stuck in Jotun form. No pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**I haven't written fanfiction in forever, so excuse my poor writing! I plan on writing much more now. By the way, this story takes place when Loki and Thor are younger, so the same event from the movie Thor occuring has different effects. I'm sure other people have had similar ideas to this one, but I hope mine is enjoyable!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**And of course I don't own anything Marvel.**

Loki knew the sound of the Allfather's voice at its weakest of times, so he undoubtedly recognized the yell of anger that projected across the icy fields of Jotunheimr. The field of fighting warriors, many Jotun and six Aesir, paused to look up at his presence on a frozen cliff. The king held a certain grace around him even in his anger that commanded the attention of all below.

The young prince could predict the following conversation between Odin and Laufey practically word for word after the first seconds of speaking, knowing the nature of both monarchs. The frost giant would allow the escape of the Asgardians at Odin's promise of punishment for Thor. They would avoid war, though barely. Simple.

So something else held his attention tighter in those moments as the icy wind whipped his cloak around his feet, something more important than these diplomatic rambles.

Minutes earlier, the fury of battle had screeched with the flying snow, an effect that pumped warriors such as Thor with adrenaline, but only gave the younger brother a cold motivation to kill. He swung his staff swiftly down in front of him, driving the sharp tip into the arm of another frost giant as it lunged for the illusion he created. The prince chuckled as it screamed.

"Don't let them touch you!" Volstagg cried, holding the burns on his meaty arm. It seemed the Jotuns' icy skin had the ability to cause a sort of snow-burn per say, and a nasty one at that. Loki glanced behind him at the warrior to see Sif running to his aid, leaving himself vulnerable for a split second. In his moment of distraction, an icy hand had found a grip on his wrist, squeezing it tight. The giant's strength shattered the metal protecting the prince's forearm and pressed against his bare skin. Loki whipped around and squeezed his eyes closed in anticipation of the pain, cursing himself for his stupidity.

But no pain came. Loki opened his eyes, thinking for a second that someone had driven the frost giant away, but no. It stood there still, looking at the prince with confusion. And now he saw why.

From where the monster held his skin, something very peculiar was happening. A blue color crept down his arm and to his fingertips, leaving strange markings as it spread, causing his heart to beat fast in fear. What was the giant doing to him? Had the Jotuns acquired the spell books and magics the Asgardians hid in the years without conflict? A thousand thoughts ran through his head in that second.

But it seemed that the Jotun had not caused this deformity. Loki had early on learned to read people, their emotions and actions, and he doubted this giant was much different. The confusion in that blue face was uncanny.

For a moment they both stood there, the same dangerous thought forming in both minds, as they stared at the deepening blue of the Prince's palm. Both waiting for the same conformation. Was it possible, by some twist of fate? The very prince of Asgard himself?

Before those thoughts could solidify, or the frost giant make a move to harm him, Loki used his free arm to clench his golden staff and force into the enemy's chest, not fatally, but painfully enough to loosen the rough grip and yank his hand free.

Breathing heavily, he stepped back and watched as the blue disappeared from his skin once more. The battle raged around him still, and with a last shaky look to confirm that his flesh was still its rightful pale shade, he pushed the poisonous thoughts aside and stepped onto the battlefield once more.

* * *

And now the battle was over, peace agreed, with the five young warriors plus Loki waiting solemnly for the Allfather to speak. Despite his reputation as a warrior, the childlike look on Thor's face was a sharp reminder to the darker son that the two brothers had only just reached adulthood.

For a moment Loki felt the sting of guilt for anonymously letting the frost giants in, and for warning the guard of the warriors' departure, but he quickly pushed the feeling away. He should not be to blame for his brother's rash actions. Thor was not being punished for the giants' trespassing nor the guard's informing; he was being punished for his own misdeeds.

And punished he was. Odin's lecture in that knowing voice filled the halls of the throne room in which they stood. Accusations of being rash and immature and childish and unfit for the throne echoed off the walls of the open space and ricocheted mockingly above them. Sif and the Warriors Three cringed, keeping their mouths clamped shut in respect after failed attempts to take the blame. Loki stood with face like stone, revealing nothing.

The younger prince knew that, despite the apparent harshness of the Allfather, his punishments were gentle in comparison to what could have been. Loki would not put it past his father to even banish Thor had the older son been closer to the throne. Thankfully the day on which Thor would become king- or Loki for that matter, though the younger brother had long ago pushed that possibility bitterly out of his mind- was many a year away.

"And so, Thor Odinson, you are not to leave the walls of this palace until I deem you ready." All in the room knew this would last many years. "In addition, my son, you will be whipped twenty times, as that is what a commoner would suffer for the crimes you committed."

And lastly, I take from you your hammer, mjolnir, for twice the extent of your confinement unless I say otherwise." Odin lifted his hand, and the hammer tore itself from the blonde's belt. "You may leave now." His voice held a trace of despair, but the still present anger compelled the group to stay quiet. And with that the older prince turned from the room with his friends and brother following.

* * *

Loki had difficulty feeling sympathy for Thor. While he expressed regret to the elder brother's face, the young prince knew Thor had gotten off easily. Only a few years ago the younger prince had maliciously chopped off Sif's golden hair. His punishment had been not only a treacherous journey, but also the stitched lips he returned with. Those lasting pains and scars had surely hurt more than twenty lashes, as well as causing far worse humiliation. And his actions, though deprived of good intentions, had no potential to cause a war as Thor's had.

As Sif and the Warriors Three left for their chambers, the two brothers went their own way, as they had adjacent quarters. Clothed in the simple green garments he slept in, Loki slipped silently into Thor's room.

The blonde was sitting on his bed, clenching his fists in anger and quite visibly pouting.

"Brother! How long have you been there?" He exclaimed when he looked up to see Loki's shadowy figure.

"Not long." He answered. "But does it matter? It seems all you're doing here is wallowing in self-pity." He quipped. Thor looked down.

"I did not mean to cause trouble." He sighed. "And you warned me against those actions brother. I should have listened."

"Yes, you should have. It would have saved you a good bit of pain, no?" Loki smirked. "Twenty lashings. I don't know if a mighty warrior like yourself will be able to bear it." He said sarcastically, both comforting his brother and subtly pointing out the gentleness of the punishment when compared to his own in the past. Thor managed a small smile.

"Truth be told, I am much more distraught over confinement and the loss of mjolnir." He sighed. Loki knew this.

"You will be fine, brother." The younger son said as genuinely as he could manage. There was silence for a few minutes, as Loki had no other words to offer his brother that would not belittle him for his actions.

"I actually have something else to discuss with you, if you are up to it." Loki ventured after a while.

"And get my mind off the happenings of earlier? Happily." Thor grinned wearily.

"It is not altogether unrelated, but I will continue anyway." He turned his back to Thor. "When we were fighting the frost giants, one of them grabbed my arm." He didn't know why he was telling Thor of all people, but perhaps the innocence of the older brother's mind would banish the terrifying thoughts plaguing his own.

"What? Are you injured brother? If you are, it would undoubtedly be my fault." Thor exclaimed, guilt showing clearly in his voice.

"No, actually-" A knock on the door cut Loki off. He pursed his lips as Sif walked in.

"Good news. The Goldoak arena is considered within the boundaries of the palace. We can train there from now on. Perhaps you can grow more accustom to using a sword?" She smiled. Thor laughed at her words.

"That is great news! Thank you Sif." He turned to his brother. "What is it you were going to say?" Loki let his face fall into a stony mask again.

"Nothing of importance surely." His sarcasm fell on deaf ears.

"Then we should all get some sleep I'm sure." Sif nodded to the brothers. "A good night to you." She said and left. Loki headed out behind her, but was stopped by Thor's voice.

"Brother, do you need a healer to help you?" He asked. "The burns of frost giants are notoriously painful."

"No. I am fine."

* * *

As Loki walked down a corridor to his own room, he couldn't help but feel slight anger at the intrusion of Sif. But what good would consulting his brother do anyway? The younger brother knew he had a sharper mind than the older, so undoubtedly he had thought of every possibility Thor would. He would not allow his mind to linger on exactly what those possibilities were.

Loki's room had a mirror stretching across one of the walls, creating the illusion of more space than there actually was- not that the room of the prince was small by any means. And Loki liked illusions, and creating them, manipulating them, thus why he kept the most basic illusion, the reflection, dominating much of his room. Bookshelves lined the other walls in a golden brown, save a small corner holding a comparatively small bed and desk.

In front of his mirror the prince paced, thinking deeply. He _knew_ what he had seen. But it made no sense. The markings of a Jotun on an Aesir? Impossible.

Or was it? It could explain why he was different in Asgard. Why his hair was raven and not light, why he did not find thrill in battle but rather in manipulation, why he chose magic over the sword or hammer. Why so many disliked him by nature, as the giants and Aesir were natural enemies.

Loki stopped and looked down at his shaking hands and clenched fists. A laugh escaped his throat, broken and approaching madness. He looked in the mirror, for once looking at his own reflection rather than the miracle of reflection alone. The thin, pasty figure stared back.

"Me? A frost giant? Perhaps I am as mad as they say I am." He spoke evenly with the slightest chuckle in his voice. Loki knew he did not look Aesir, but Jotun? Frost giants were twice the size of Asgardians on average. Lankier, yes, but much larger, and with substantial muscle. Blue skin. Red eyes. How could the small angular prince have any relation to that?

_You're a shapeshifter, are you not?_ A voice in his mind whispered.

"Yes but that takes _energy_. Magic takes energy. And you don't have the energy to keep such a façade for your whole life. Not to the point of convincing yourself." He snickered condescendingly at his reflection, the way he would to Thor.

_Then what happened today?_

"Shapeshifting. My magic reached out to protect me on instinct." He answered easily, though he could not recall feeling the breath of change that surrounded him when shifting forms. It was a distinct sensation, as it drained him quickly and often left him exhausted. He pushed the fact aside.

He was over thinking things as usual. Turning a pointless glitch, a slight illusion, into a chaotic possibility. Ridiculous.

Before his mind could get away from him again, Loki slipped into bed and closed his eyes.

He woke up a few hours later. The prince had never been a deep sleeper. In his teenage years, the nights not filled with hours of studying, he had spent lying or sitting awake, immersed in thoughts or nightmares. This night reminded him of those, as his brain tormented him awake.

He needed confirmation. Not reassuring words from his brother or mother. Not some lie he told himself through strings of logic working their way through his mind. Confirmation. And there were only two ways to find it: approach his father directly, or investigate the issue at its source: Jotunheimr.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews and story follows guys :D I appreciate it! **

**Age-wise Thor and Loki are in the equivalent of their early twenties, where I assume they were early thirties in the movie. Though I do think that they age slower and all, so I'm not sure of their ages in years here.**

**Also please note that I may be messing up Norse mythology and the Marvel universe a bit here. I'm no expert :)**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

It was difficult not to laugh at himself as the prince slid through doorways of the sleeping palace- or mostly sleeping anyway, as a guard or sleepless maiden stood around corners here and there. It was Thor's place to sneak out to Jotunheimr on the brink of war. Sure, the younger prince wandered about the nine realms creating a bit of mischief, but he knew better than to mess with shaky alliances and possible war on the chance of getting caught.

Yet here he was doing just that, all because he was a coward. Loki knew he could confront his father and interrogate him. He knew how to wriggle the truth out of people, even the Allfather, but the idea frightened him. Not asking or manipulating, but the answer. On the slim chance that his assumptions were correct, the words that would come from Odin's mouth would stab the prince like daggers. And he was scared.

But, he told himself, it would be illogical to confront his father. With Odin still angry at Thor, the king would not take kindly to such dark questions, especially if they turned out to be pointless. And Asgard needed the Allfather in a good state of mind to lead, as Thor was far from ready to take his place.

Loki whispered, pulling the dark around him. The prince had yet to master invisibility, but crescent moons in the sky of Asgard gave little light, creating shadows for him to hide in. Slipping into the Bifrost, he carefully avoided the sight of Heimdall. The sturdy gatekeeper barely twitched as the prince disappeared, drinking in the energy the strange machine created while using his own skill with magic to teleport. The overall effect was a way to move silently through the nine realms without informing anyone, particularly those in Asgard. It was Loki's secret, a secret he used often to create trouble.

The prince felt space rush around him in a blur for a moment, sending dizzy fractions of thoughts through his head. And then suddenly his boots found snow and the treacherous winds of Jotunheimr were rushing around him once again.

The weather in the land of the frost giants was significantly nicer than it had been earlier, and Loki cursed his bad luck. He could see miles of hills and boulders, all covered in a sheet of ice. A voice in the back of his mind told him it was very beautiful, serene even, but as far as he could see any wandering frost giant could see as well, leaving him vulnerable.

He pulled the shadows closer around him like a cold blanket, but the moons showed brighter in Jotunheimr and the prince knew he was much more visible. It was no use turning back now though. There was nothing else he could do but move forward.

When they were children, Loki and Thor snuck out to these frost lands once or twice, on adventures and messes the older brother got them in to. There had always been a sort of energy in the ice, but on one of these adventures, the brothers had found themselves stuck in a frozen cave with a raging storm outside. Going out would have meant death and they couldn't send any sort of signal for help without giving themselves away. Pushed almost to starvation, the brothers had decided to search for another way out.

They discovered an intricate network of tunnels beneath the ice, ancient and unguarded. Ruins covered parts of the walls in some old foreign language. And the energy of the ice was even clearer beneath the earth. A part of Loki had wanted to take a detour and explore what magic those caves held, but with Thor to worry about he decided otherwise. The brothers made it out in a couple days, battered and starving, but safe.

Now Loki knew he had to find that cave system again. Whatever was creating that energy would answer his questions. He didn't know how he knew this, but he was certain.

Passing under a large ice shard out of view of the open land, the prince tried to map out the cave system in his mind. It had been many years since he'd been here, but he vaguely remembered the area he had exited the caverns. It was somewhere around such a landmark as this, he remembered. Concentrating, he created blue dust in his hand, allowing it to sweep into the air. The ice above him resembled a small cliff, and likewise cut off some of the land's harsh wind. This allowed the dust to be swept with the flow of air, bringing it around the corner of a frosted wall, where it disappeared.

Loki smiled. Just as he'd thought: An entrance. It was small, a tight squeeze, but the thin prince made it through into the darkness of the cave. He conjured a small light in his hand, just enough to push away the closest shadows. It reflected off the icy walls, allowing beams of blue to dabble the floor lightly with a glow.

The walk through the tunnels had a more solemn tone than the last time the prince had been there. In the dead silence he had nothing but his thoughts, and they were taunting him.

Imagine his foolishness if he had come here for nothing. If he was caught by the Jotuns and started a war all because of a silly thought. An illusion. He would be humiliated, even more of a disgrace to Asgard, to his father. He might even be banished, as the favored older brother had been barely spared that fate.

Imagine if he was right though. If the blue poison on his skin had actually meant something, something terrible. It would make the disgrace of causing war seem like a bit of his usual mischief, like releasing snakes in the palace, or cutting off some maiden's hair. The prince shivered. He didn't want to think about what would happen, and yet thoughts were all he had.

The runes were beginning to appear again, dancing on the walls, writing out the language of some ancient tongue. Loki followed the murmur of energy in the cold rock, barely paying attention to his surroundings. He was caught in his own thoughts.

Had he been alert, he might have noticed the signs of use in the tunnels. The footprints here and there, the preserved nature of the runes, a red eye around the corner, blinking quietly. He didn't see any of it.

Until Loki stopped suddenly. Fear began to bloom in his chest as he noticed a figure, twice his size, just outside the radius of his light. He cut it off, not knowing what to do. Running was pointless as his magic was useless here. He couldn't attack, not without causing a war. He could only wait in the dark, and he was paralyzed with fear. He was sure even the creature in front of him could hear the loud pounding of his heart.

"Odinson." A gravelly voice chuckled. "I thought you might come." A large hand grabbed his arm roughly and pushed him to his knees.

For a long time, Loki saw nothing but darkness in the caverns. Two beings, frost giants he assumed, held him from either side, directing his path. Occasionally he would see a pair of red eyes in the black, completely soundless. He never knew the Jotun could move so quietly.

More importantly, the giants weren't leading him away from the energy. Not at all. They were leading him _toward_ it. This terrified the prince most. He expected punishment, anger, and maybe even war. But to be brought to what must be the very heart of Jotunheimr? Loki knew mischief well, and he'd be damned if the Jotun weren't up to something.

When he saw light again, it was in a large room with walls made of ice. He felt they must be deep underground, as the top of the cavern-like room could not be seen. The light came from what he assumed was a hole at the very top, reflecting off the million edges of ice, illuminating everything in a pale blue.

Jotun were placed around the cave. Guards it seemed. This was not a public place.

In the very center there was a crystal. It held vague resemblance to the Casket kept in his father's possession, with the same blue glow, though holding a different kind of power. While the Casket whispered of a sort of cosmic energy, reaching out over the whole universe, this crystal's cold power probably enveloped only Jotunheimr. It had an icy energy to it, and Loki had no doubt that it was what drew him to the caves.

The prince took his mind off that and concentrated on slowing his racing heart and breathing deeply. He was going to have to talk his way out of this, and visible fear would not help at all. Analyzing the area would have to wait.

King Laufey strode into the room, crimson eyes scanning the area. He smiled when he saw the prince and a prison of ice reached up Loki's body, holding him in place with his arms to his sides.

"Loki Odinson." The king said, sitting in a throne-like chair in front of the crystal. "You were found trespassing on our lands. You are young little prince, but I think you have knowledge enough to know this is means for war. The Asgardians only barely avoided it earlier this day."

"I do not come on behalf of Asgard. I am here for personal reasons, and I beg you understand that." Loki spoke evenly, and was careful to keep eye contact with the blue giant.

"_Personal_ reasons, Odinson? What personal reasons could bring you not only to our land, but to our tunnels?" The king said, almost amused. "Their presence has been kept secret for generations. Surely you did not just_ wander_ in?" Loki's eyes narrowed slightly. Laufey knew more than he was letting on. The king was taunting him.

"Why did you bring me here?" Loki asked, gesturing to the cavern best he could with his hands bound by ice.

"You are a trespasser." Laufey growled. "I can do whatever I wish with you."

"Whatever you wish to the son of Odin? Not likely." Loki smirked. "But I did not question your authority to bring me here. I question your reason." Laufey sat back and gave a cunning smile.

"Then question away little prince."

"Why" Loki started "would you bring me here of all places? I had no knowledge of this crystal nor this room. You have given away your biggest secret to the son of Odin. You are not a foolish king, so what is your reasoning?" His voice was slightly condescending.

"You speak very proudly of your heritage little prince." The king said in his deep voice. "This crystal is the heart of Jotunheimr. It is a power that has been linked with my people for hundreds of generations. It gives us the power of ice in every individual and in this great land. The Casket of Ancient Winters, which is now in Odin's possession, was only a boost to that power that could stretch this crystal's energy across the universe."

"Perhaps I was wrong and you are a foolish king, to tell me all this."

Laufey just smiled at his words.

"The thing about this crystal and unlike the Casket," He said, "is that its power is dedicated solely to the Jotun people. No other race can destroy it, and no other race can use its power."

"And?"

"Well,_ Odinson_, you were drawn to this power, were you not? Drawn to a power you cannot even use? Impossible."

"What is it you are suggesting?" Loki spoke very evenly, but his insides were twisting up in fear. His heart beat heavily and he struggled to keep his breathing steady. Had he and the frost giant come to the same dark conclusion? For a second he had almost convinced himself that those thoughts were only pointless nightmares formed in mind by accident.

Laufey leaned forward.

"I am suggesting that you are no son of Odin at all." His tone was cruel and taunting, and Loki's eyes widened.

"No!" He yelled, loosing his façade in that moment. He began struggling against the ice binding him, and squeezing his eyes shut in fear. "Please no." He growled.

"What? Is that not the 'personal reason' for which you came?" The king taunted. "Well I am here for the same answers. A warrior claimed seeing a most peculiar thing earlier today. The hand of an Aesir turning blue at a Jotun's touch. And not only that, but with our markings too?"

Loki said nothing, but kept struggling, hoping to block out the sound. A part of his mind heard it still and cringed in fear.

"And that 'Aesir' was none other than the misfit prince himself. The little shadow amongst the _brave light_ of the Asgardians." The words stung Loki, and he let out a hissing sound.

"Did you bring me all this way just to taunt me? Is this punishment for trespassing? I don't have the answers you seek!" Loki's voice was cracked and frantic, but also filled with hate.

"No. You seek those answers too." The king stood up and gestured to his guards, who shattered the ice around the prince and clamped chains to his wrist. Loki said nothing as they pulled him toward the crystal and secured him to the ground. Fear was consuming the prince so that he could barely speak, barely breath. "Now, let us find those answers together."

A guard chained Loki's hand to the ice and he screamed as pure cold energy shot through his body.

**Please review! :D**

**Also, I am not trying to portray Laufey as cruel or evil. I am aiming more to point out the resemblance between him and Loki.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to the people who reviewed! I love you all.**

** Anyway in case anyone hasn't caught on, I enjoy torturing characters with angst. Sorry. Also, this chapter is a bit shorter, so sorry about that!**

**I don't own anything marvel.**

* * *

Loki was a master of magic event at his young age, but he wasn't ready for the energy the crystal brought. It felt like fire running through him, and at the same time as if his body was freezing over. He hated it, and cried out in despair despite a personal vow to keep his mouth shut. The Jotuns gathered around and watched curiously, almost feeling pity for the prince.

Despite his hatred for this, for the frost giants, after a second Loki was no longer in pain. He ceased screaming and tried to focus, eyes squeezed shut. The fire and ice didn't hurt anymore, he noticed, but energy still raced through him, unwelcome.

The prince breathed heavily and placed his free hand on the cold ground for balance. The tips of his fingers began to tingle against the crystal and the sensation slowly started to spread. It was a cold feeling, Loki thought, but refused to admit to himself that the cold was almost comforting. He would only see it as coarse and cruel as he saw the frost giants themselves.

A small part of him knew what was happening, what was going to happen, and that part of him kept his eyes shut. He could not open them. The feeling had now reached his elbow, spreading slowly but unrelenting. It reminded him vaguely of shape-shifting, when the change grabbed him and pulled him into a form of his choice. Except right now he had no choice.

But what if he enforced that choice? Could he reverse the effect of the crystal long enough to escape? He had long since pushed fear of war and punishment away as the least of his worries. He needed to get away, and right now that was all that mattered.

Loki accessed his own energy, the energy he used for magic. It was buried underneath that which was flowing into his body, but there nonetheless. He knew he couldn't take his hand off the crystal, for it was stuck to the transparent rock without need for the chain. But if he changed his hand then he might have a chance for freedom.

He pulled magic through his body, picturing the form he wished to change into- a wolf in this case, as it was a creature that could run fast and withstand the snow. He needed to expand that magic to encompass his body in order to shift forms. The prince concentrated and imagined his soul spreading outward to his skin. The magic did as he wished, willingly moving to his desire. He was so close, almost there.

But it was blocked. The crystal's energy blocked his own, plain and simple. He could not force his way through it. He could not go around it. Nothing. The fear in his chest physically burned now, and he gritted his teeth in hatred. For the first time in many years, Loki felt defeat.

And in this defeat he dared to open his eyes for the first time, as the tingling reached his torso. His hand was blue again, a light shade like the Asgardian sky. Strange arrow-like symbols and lines were laid out neatly on the blue flesh, and Loki noticed they held a vague resemblance to the runes he saw in the cave earlier, runes that were also carved into the base of the crystal.

He glanced at his free hand and watched the color move across it. He could barely move, refused to accept what was happening. Coming to Jotunheimr, he had accepted the chance of answers he would not like, but this was different. He felt any form of punishment or torture from either kingdom could not compare to this. It must be a simple trick, some sort of psychological cruelty to scold him. Perhaps his father was aware of it too. He would not put it past the Allfather to take part in such a punishment.

And that is what he told himself as the icy color encompassed him. It was an illusion. An illusion as the blue reached his neck. An illusion as he began to feel suffocated and couldn't tell if it was the flow of foreign energy reaching his head or his own fear preventing breath. His eyes burned for a moment and he cried out.

And then something rested inside him, something clicked. And at that moment a last jolt of energy surged through him, then cut off completely. For a minute, the prince did nothing but stare at the ice in shock.

Loki breathed in deeply, trying to push back his fear long enough to escape. He tentatively removed his hand from the crystal, as the chains had been loosened long ago without his noticing. He held his hand up in front of him, staring at it, confused and upset.

"Turn around, _Odinson_." Laufey's voice taunted. Loki turned slowly, trying to meet the Kings gaze evenly and succeeding in a dark glare. There was a general gasp and murmur from the small crowd of giants. He tried to find something witty to say, but for once the god of lies was at a loss for words. He just hoped his face didn't reveal his fear, only his hate.

"A little runt." The king chuckled softly. "How peculiar."

"Your words mean nothing." Loki hissed, unsure of what he was saying.

"Then go. We both have our answers, and I have no intentions of initiating a war." Loki didn't move, confused. Was it this easy to escape? "_Go_. And keep in mind that my people- or perhaps _your _people as well- will be watching you to prevent straying from the path out."

The prince resented his words, but stalked toward the exit, keeping his eyes strait ahead as he walked, careful to show no fear and no weakness to the watching Jotuns. Soon the darkness of the caverns encompassed him again.

* * *

Loki ran. As soon as he was out of the Jotuns' sight, he ran. There was no time to create a light, so there was nothing else to do but move his feet as fast as he could and race through the tunnels. He refused to let his mind rest on what happened, and coherent thoughts wouldn't form in his head. He needed to get back to Asgard. That's all he could manage.

Despite the darkness of the caves, the prince could see, at least enough to navigate and not hit walls. For a moment this confused him- he had been as good as blind hours earlier- until realization dawned on him. Before the thought could fully form, he shut it down.

The tunnels seemed to never end, and many times the prince feared he would be lost in them forever. But he was not alone. Whenever he began to go off track, feeling the buzzing of the crystal's energy more clearly, a presence would block his path, directing him to go another way. He hated this lack of solitude in escaping.

Loki didn't know how long he had been racing through those tunnels, closer to tears than he had been since childhood, but eventually they ended. The prince let out a sigh of relief as light poured in from a crack in the wall. It left a beam of moonlight on the cave floor, and for a second the prince reached for the end of darkness in relief. But the light illuminated the skin of his palm, and he recoiled from the color, even more so because it showed no signs of fading.

He pushed horrid thoughts away again, shut his eyes, and squeezed through the crack. The brightness of Jotunheimr's snow was blinding, and he was thankful that he could barely see. The icy wind did not feel cold at all, but Loki pulled his cloak close around him anyway, pulling the green hood over his head in hopes that it might hide his appearance, whatever it may be.

He trudged through snow and ice to cliff that would lead to the bifrost. A part of the prince knew it was better to take his hidden route back and not notify Heimdall of his recent ventures, but he was exhausted and pained, with no energy left for those magics.

"_Heimdall_!" He cried from the cliff, words broken. "_Open the gate!" _He waited for the gatekeeper's response, but the only movement came from the harsh winds moving around him.

"_Please!_" He yelled in a cracked voice. "_It's Loki! I swear it!_" The prince closed his eyes and breathed in the cold, hoping that the gatekeeper would recognize his voice at least and allow him passage. Otherwise he could easily be in Jotunheimr for days before he gained the energy to escape.

There was a long moment of hesitation, but Heimdall responded at last, yanking Loki through space. Already dizzy, the bursts of color and cosmic energy rushing around brought him to him knees as he rested on the thick metal floor of the bifrost.

The air felt thick and warm when compared to Jotunheimr, and it filled his lungs like smoke. The prince coughed and tried to pull his hood far enough down to hide his face. Heimdall stood over him, looking down with ageless eyes.

"Do not bother to hide yourself. You may have clouded my vision to your journey, but I have seen clearly the results." The gatekeepers voice held the smallest amount of scorn. As Loki stood up, his hood fell down, and the prince met the guard's gaze.

"Do not tell a soul." Loki hissed, pulling it back up.

"I do not need to. I believe these consequences will speak for themselves. You cannot hide this easily." With a last glare of defiance, Loki fled the bifrost and entered the palace of Asgard.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the reviews! Updates are going to slow down some now that the weekend's over, so sorry in advance!**

**Anyway, more angst. Enjoy! :)**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

Dawn was approaching as Loki slipped as quietly as he could through the castle, furious at Heimdall's words. He wasn't sure what he detested more: the undeniable scorn in the gatekeeper's voice, or the fact that the man was right. If this didn't wear off in the next day or so… He shut his thoughts down once more.

The palace was still asleep, but as a precaution the prince kept his hood firmly over his head. He was grateful that this morning was not one Thor or some other warrior chose to wander out. He still lacked the energy to manage the magic of manipulating shadows, and his shape shifting remained completely cut off. While he was skilled in moving silently, another's presence might still have resulted in confrontation.

He worried himself with logical things like this on his way back, still keeping his mind off of earlier events. He had escaped, yes, but barely, and not yet to his chamber he was still vulnerable to seeing somebody.

He reached his room at last, pulling on the handle of the tall gold colored door. It opened easily and the prince walked in, exhausted. He turned a small corner near the doorway, which lead to the larger part of his quarters and thus his bed and desk. The prince knew he would get little sleep, but perhaps if he could drift off for only an hour or two, he could deal with everything the next day. Once again he acted as a coward and once again it hurt more than it helped.

Loki made the mistake of looking up as he dragged his tired feet around the corner. He froze. The prince had forgotten the most prized decoration of his room: his mirror.

When Loki was just learning how to work magic, he asked his father for a mirror to help him. The one covering his wall had been a gift, a gift he treasured. Unable at first to create true illusions, he would manipulate light in the mirror to create images there. He could make it seem like there was a bird fluttering around his room, or a snake in his bed, but all of this only in the world beyond the glass. Eventually he could tell whole stories in that mirror, making his childish games come to life. Using his wit and magic, he Great Aesir Loki would slay a terrible beast in his bedroom that threatened to tear down the kingdom. Over and over.

As he grew his skill increased, and he used the mirror to project images into his world, seeming right next to him but with no substance. A hateful and misunderstood teenager, many times he created illusions of his enemies and those he hated in his chambers. If the nonexistent figures dared taunt him, he drove his staff into their chests and watched their death as blood spilled over the floor. Of course, the blood did not stain; it did not even exist. But to the young Loki it looked real enough to satisfy him.

Reaching adulthood, of course, the prince could create such illusions anywhere, mirror or not. But the one is his room still held sentimental value, though he would never admit the fact to anyone. Still, often behind the reflective glass still stood the misfit child from many years before.

Not today though. Right now it was betraying him.

Looking back through the glass was a Jotun. It had blue skin and crimson eyes filled with hate or hurt, Loki wasn't sure which. It was skinnier than other giants, and much smaller. A runt, perhaps? Like other Jotun it was covered in symbols on its face and hands. The prince reckoned that there were probably more beneath its clothes, but that mattered little.

It mattered more that the Jotun was him, Loki. He recoiled as the thought hit him, gasping for breath and staring at his hands again. It was easier than looking at the mirror anyhow. Was it possible that it was just a curse? There were many powers in the universe, and surely one out there could change appearances, _races_ even. Maybe the crystal happened to be that one, the one that could turn him into a monster.

Loki looked up again, stepping toward the mirror this time. That's what he was, wasn't he? A monster. The prince let out a cracked laugh, short and bitter. It was ironic almost. He had been called monster more times than he could count. It was a result of causing mischief, a cry that followed him as he'd ran away laughing from a mess he'd made as child, sometimes with Thor, though the name 'little monster' had always been directed at Loki. It was a label spoken coldly to his face in later years by those he'd deceived and harmed for their words against him.

He'd never believed it though. And now that Asgard had stopped saying it to his face- for he could never be certain about their hidden whispers- the prince found it to be true.

Loki touched his face where the skin was raised into some Jotun symbol, tracing the outline with a light finger. A half-circle pattern on his forehead. Lines coming down from his eyes. Small marks on his eyebrows. Curiosity nagging at him, he shed his cloak and looked at his arms as well. The color was sickening, he thought, but continued staring, transfixed. Patterns continued up to his sleeves, and the sapphire skin had become completely hairless and smooth. His eyes glowed scarlet even in the light of his room, and the prince noticed his ears had pointed slightly at the tips. Not like the dark elves, but not Aesir either.

The prince licked his lips quickly and breathed in. It wasn't so bad was it? Being a monster? He was still recognizable, was he not? Loki was not vain in his looks, so how could a little change in appearance be that bad? He shape shifted all the time, did he not?

No. This was more than that. More than blue skin and red eyes. All his life he'd been taught, every Aesir had been taught, that those features were the mark of monstrous beings with no soul and hearts made of ice. They would destroy everything if it benefited them. They could not love or feel the way Aesir did. They were monsters not only in body, but in mind as well.

Of course Loki knew much of this was no more than myth, twisted together from tales of battle and victory. But how could he change what he'd been told since birth? He couldn't.

Unable to look in the mirror any longer, the prince stalked to his bed, trying to maintain some illusion of dignity.

_A dignified Frost Giant. I act as if such a creature exists._ Loki thought, laughing darkly. How ashamed Asgard would be when they found out. The blue man was sure no one would be surprised, hated as he was among the Asgardians. They would snicker and gossip about how much this explained. So_ that's_ why the younger prince was always so strange. Oh, it certainly explained a lot. He clenched his fists.

But what about his father? Or, Loki corrected himself bitterly, the man he had always seen as his father. Did Odin know what his 'son' was? How did this happen? Some mistake? Was a true son of Odin living his life in Jotunheimr right now?

But the Allfather didn't look over things like that. He had to know, right? Loki didn't know which he preferred. If Odin knew of Loki's heritage, then it was an ultimate betrayal, an ultimate lie to keep that hidden from the prince for all the years he'd lived. But what if he didn't? How would the prince tell his father what he was? Think about the shame that would bring his family.

_And either way, father does or will see me as a monster_. He closed his eyes for a second, then glanced back at the mirror. The monster stared back.

"_Get away_." He hissed at it, using his magic to cut off the light in the room. Red eyes still glinted through the reflective glass. He closed them, blocking it all out. Maybe, just maybe, if he went to sleep then when the prince awoke things would be better.

So Loki laid sleepless in bed until the palace began to awaken, memories of the hours earlier rushing through his head.

* * *

When sunlight filtered through his window it seemed like no time had passed at all. Loki sat up and looked swiftly at his hands. Blue. His heart clenched as he grit his teeth. He was still a monster.

And now he had to face it, and figure out what to do. What _could_ he do? He could make himself invisible to others through shadows, but for how long would his energy last? And disliked as he might be, eventually_ someone_ would go looking for him. He still lacked the ability to shape shift. He still lacked the courage to confront his father. The prince was stuck. He supposed he would just cower away in his room until a plan came to mind or his father came searching.

But it was not his father who came first, as the prince had much expected. As Loki headed to his wardrobe to find some clean and hopefully very covering clothing, heavy footsteps shook the floor. This took the prince by surprise, and he scrambled for his cloak, pulling it on with no time to run for the shadows.

"Brother! Are you okay?" Thor came bounding around the corner, a worried look on his face. "Heimdall sent note that you may need assistance." Loki felt a dagger of anger at the gatekeeper, but kept his voice steady, not facing his brother or the mirror.

"I need no assistance." The younger prince said. "Please Thor, I wish to be alone."

"Loki, what is wrong? You are acting unusual." He asked, concerned. "And what is this cloak you are wearing? Have you become deformed in some way?" The last time that hood had come out in the palace, it had been to hide the younger brother's punishment by sewn lips.

Loki cringed. He had been counting on Thor's ignorance.

"Yes. I am deformed, if you wish to put it like that, and if it will make you go away." Loki growled. "Please leave now." The blonde's eyebrow's pressed together at his brother's curt tone.

"What? Tell me what-" Thor's voice cut off and his eyes widened. "Brother what's wrong with your hand?" He reached for the blue fingers, which pulled away instantly.

"Nothing!" Loki snapped. "If you're done wasting my time, I must get going now." He whispered to himself and began to disappear into the shadow, but a strong hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. Thor turned the younger brother around and pushed down the hood, eyes widening.

"I thought I told you to go away." Loki hissed, looking up at his brother with crimson eyes.

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	5. Chapter 5

**A bit slow, but the next update is here! Thank you for the reviews guys! And sorry for the delay!**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

"Loki?" Thor managed after a long silence. He swallowed heavily. "Please tell me this is just another one of your tricks." He didn't sound hopeful. Loki laughed darkly.

"A trick?" He sneered. "Tell me Thor, what good would come from shifting into such a form?" He pulled away from his brother with a mad grin.

"I don't know." The older brother answered honestly. Confusion spread across his face. "Brother, what happened to you? What are you?" He sounded almost scared, more scared than the Mighty Thor ever got, with anger creeping into his voice.

"What am I?" Loki repeated condescendingly. "Come on Thor, you're not _that_ dull. What do I look like?" The younger prince was partially buying time as he tried to figure out what to do. There were few ways to lie his way out of this, none of them reasonable. So he would talk, hoping that his tongue might let him wriggle out.

"You look Jotun. But there is no way. You-" Loki cut off his brother's words.

"-are a monster? Is that really so surprising to you, brother? Even you can see how different I am. How different I always have been." His tone was bitter, verging on hateful.

"Loki…"

"I'm a _frost giant_, Thor." Loki snarled, his words slicing through the room and echoing off its walls. The blonde looked taken aback by the harsh words. Confusion and pity flashed through his eyes, resting on anger in the end.

"No." He insisted, that stubborn determination settling in his features. Loki rolled his eyes. It was like dealing with a toddler.

"You need proof?" He asked tauntingly. "Here." The Jotun extended his fingers and pressed them to Thor's arm. The blonde yelled and pulled back. The skin was raw with a burn where the blue skin had touched pale. Loki winced.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if that would work or not. I didn't intend to hurt you." His words were still cold, but for the first time Thor thought he heard pain in his brother's voice. He shook his head.

"There is no way."

"Thor-"

"_No!_" The blonde yelled, silencing his brother."_No brother of mine is a frost giant_."

"Well that's the thing. If I am, then I am not your brother." Thor ignored him and grabbed Loki's wrist, careful to avoid the icy flesh.

"I am taking you to father." He insisted. Loki panicked for a second, not showing it in his features. Was he ready to confront Odin? Not at all. But could he afford not to go with his brother? He was putting up a delicate façade at the moment, one that relied on an illusion of confidence. He had little choice but to go with Thor. If he refused in fear his emotions would show. If he refused in defiance he could easily be seen as dangerous.

Loki sighed let Thor pull him toward the door.

"Thor, I'm not a child." He reminded the blonde shortly. "Why are you dragging me along like one? Or am I your prisoner now, being a monster? Are you going to put me in chains next?" Loki asked, sarcasm clear in his voice. The older brother looked surprised and tentatively let go of his wrist, expecting the blue brother to flee. Loki noticed this and raised an eyebrow.

"Please Thor. If I did not wish to go, do you really think _holding my hand_ would make a difference? I am more talented with magic than almost anyone in Asgard. I can do what I want." This was partially a lie- Loki did not want to go at all- but his brother almost smiled at it.

"Holding your hand? Given my experience a minute ago, I doubt touching your hand again would be very pleasant." He jested nervously in return, eyeing Loki's blue skin. The darker prince said nothing, but for a second a glint of amusement showed in his red eyes. They soon darkened again as Loki pulled the green hood up, putting his face in the shadows. Thor's expression became serious again, and he marched out the door with Loki behind him.

As they walked through mostly empty corridors, the Jotun prince was contemplating escape again. It would be simple to just disappear into shadows. Fear was rising once more in his chest with the thought of facing Odin. It would be so much easier to run. But now Thor had seen him, and Loki knew it was not worth it to escape with the risk of his secret in the blonde's hands.

"You never answered me as to what is going on, Brother." Thor broke silence between them.

"It seems you'll have to stop calling me that now." Loki taunted bitterly.

"I'm serious."

"As am I."

"Please, tell me what happened that made you look like this." Loki hesitated, glancing at his blue hands once more.

"I don't know." He lied with pretend innocence, not wanting to discuss the topic. Thor looked skeptical, but said nothing more on the topic. The blonde looked unsure of what to say, and shook his head.

"You may look a different being, but you're as difficult as ever."

"Oh, I try my best." Loki mocked a serious tone, then paused. "Someone is coming." He turned swiftly into an empty storage room, pulling his brother along, just in time for the sound of footsteps to pass.

"I figure it best if no one sees me like this." Loki said icily, gesturing that the halls were clear. As the brothers stepped through the doorframe, the footsteps appeared once more and Sif came marching around the corner. Loki sighed and carefully placed himself in the shadow, knowing it was too late to disappear altogether.

"Thor! Do you think me stupid? I saw you try to hide from me. Why?" She eyed the blonde with confusion, then glanced at Loki's figure. In the dim lighting, she couldn't see his face beneath the hood and did not recognize his clothing. "And who is this?" Loki winced, knowing Thor wouldn't be able to lie.

"I am escorting him to father." He answered. "It is not the business of others." Sif's eyes narrowed.

"Not business of others? By whose orders?" She asked. Thor hesitated for a moment, then nodded at Loki.

"His." Sif turned towards him, then swiftly pushed the hood down. Her face twisted into anger and she pushed Loki against the wall. He silently cursed Thor for his failure.

"A frost giant in Asgard?" She hissed at Thor. "How dare they come here after yesterday? Surely you are not the one who let them into Asgard?" Thor stepped forward.

"Sif." Thor put a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm the warrior. Loki just grinned darkly.

"What? He mocked innocence. "Don't recognize me?" Realization spread across her face with horror.

"Loki?" She hissed, then pulled a knife from her belt and held it to his neck.

"Hello Sif. Your hair looks lovely as usual." Loki said. It was a low jab, but with the way she was acting he felt the need to be petty. It only angered her more.

"You traitor! Thor, what is going on? You wouldn't be acting like this if this was just Loki's usual trickery."

"Sif, be calm! I don't understand this either, but he isn't hurting anybody. I am taking him to the Allfather." The blonde answered sternly.

"Not hurting anyone? He's a frost giant!"

"You talk as if I'm some sort of animal." Loki chimed in sarcastically. "And as if you have any control over me. Really, I have more competence than the two of you combined." Sif ignored him, but lowered her knife.

"Traitor." She repeated. "You disgust me. I bet you're the one who has been giving information to the Jotun. How long? How long have you been like this?" Her words were dark and hateful, striking the darker prince at the core.

He didn't mind her hate- usually he knew he deserved it- but right now she was impersonating the very attitude he despised and knew all of Asgard would take on. Assuming he was always like this, always evil, and always a monster solely because they had known him to be different, and saw that physically now. He didn't stop to realize that it was his own attitude towards the situation as well. Perhaps that was why it hurt him so much.

"It's funny." He spat back. "I only just figured it out myself." After the words left his mouth, Loki knew he had let too much pain show in his speech. He scowled as Thor stopped, pity spreading across his features. Even Sif was quiet, seeming to feel bad for Loki.

"Brother?" Thor said quietly, putting a hand softly on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. If I could change this I would."

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that." Loki let his features fall into a stone mask again. Swiftly he pulled the hood back up, heading once more towards the Allfather. After all, he had nowhere else to go.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the huge delay in writing guys! I've been busy! But here's the next chapter! Thank you to everyone whose reading this or following or especially reviewed!**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

Loki took the lead after that, leaving Sif and Thor to walk quietly behind him, unsure of what to say. Both warriors rarely saw the younger prince so vulnerable, and they knew he could be dangerous. The corridors were silent, with most of the castle not yet awake. Occasionally sunbeams would shine through an elegant window, but Loki was careful to stay out of the light.

They walked in silence for a while, headed across the castle to the throne room where the Allfather surely sat. As the trio entered a length of relative darkness, Loki spun on his feet without warning, now facing the two warriors, his red eyes glaring with hate, hate not for them alone, but for everything in existence and everything that led him to this point.

They both flinched for a split-second on instinct before remembering it was Loki there in front of them, not a beast from Jotunheimr. He grit his teeth.

"I can _feel_ your stares on my back, and while I can't tell if they are made of pity or disgust, they are _not_ appreciated." He hissed, feeling exposed. He hated the feeling of vulnerability that was now surrounding him. Anyone who saw him would not hesitate to spew their emotions onto him as their insults truly hurt him for once, while he had nothing in defense beyond hateful words that would only worsen their assumptions. And now he was letting his own emotions slip into his words far more than he would like. It was horrible.

Sif took a step towards him, her aggressive stance most likely hiding disgust or pity or hate, Loki thought.

"What do you expect us to do?" She asked, managing to look annoyed. "You have turned into this… being, and what are we suppose to do? Pretend this is normal? Once again, a son of Odin chooses only to think of himself." Thor gave her a look of contempt for her comment, protesting mildly. But she ignored him.

"And once again, Lady Sif, you speak as a hypocrite." Loki's words were very cold. "Scold me as Odin's child in one breath, and condemn me in another for being a monster."

"I did not call you a monster." Her voice grew slightly tenser.

"A 'being'? Please Sif. Did your lessons in subtlety come from Thor?" Loki jibbed. "And do you really think so low of the King and Queen, that the lovely Frigga would bear such a lowly monster as a frost giant?" His words were a trap, and she knew it. His lips were twisted up in a snarl, awaiting her response.

"I would say you have a few stories of your own to tell on the topic of abnormal child bearing." She jeered back, avoiding his question.

Loki visibly flinched, scowled, and the warriors would swear they saw his blue cheeks grow darker in a blush.

"And do those stories surprise you still, seeing now what I am?" He asked quietly. Sif said nothing in return, but her eyes showed both pity and disgust. He looked away. "Why are you walking with me anyway? Hoping to find some joy in my pain?" His previously icy tone was replaced with a sort of helplessness and bitterness as he looked at the floor, reminding Sif and Thor that he was still young, hundreds of years younger than they were.

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked. Loki shrugged, turning back toward the empty hallway.

"I don't care." He began walking again, this time without a stride, and more as if he carried some huge weight on his shoulders.

* * *

In a few minutes they reached the throne room, large golden doors closed. To Loki they seemed like the gates of hell, stretching above him, intimidating and taunting. The younger prince stopped short of the gaurds' view, looking to Thor. The blonde put a hand on his brother's shoulder- he would consider him as such until proven otherwise, and maybe still then- and walked up to one of the men next to the door. He exchanged a few quiet words, and the guard slipped in the door with Sif, who had accompanied them in silence since the standoff.

"You will need to wait a few minutes your majesties." The guard said to the princes. "There is no telling how long the Allfather will take."

Loki backed up to a wall and let himself slide down to the floor. He put his face in his hands, breathing heavy and uneven. In none of the many ways that this encounter played out in his head did it turn out well. It always resulted in hate or rejection or lies. Loki didn't have the knowledge the Allfather did, didn't know how he worked, but whatever Odin's case was, there was one thing for certain. He would have to see Loki as a frost giant, _a monster_, some voice in his mind whispered.

The blue prince wondered what he would see on his father's face. Regret? Disdain? Loathing? Or maybe nothing at all. An emotionless stare. He shivered and squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the little light that pushed through the cracks in his cupped hands.

A strong hand touched his back, a futile attempt of comfort. He lowered his hands and met Thor's gaze, but despite the caring in those deep blue eyes, Loki could see the fear as well, some refusal to accept what his senses told him. He narrowed his own scarlet eyes, letting out a hissing noise, like that of some large cat. Thor removed his hand, but sat against the wall next to his brother despite the reluctant glare he received.

"Are you okay?" He asked in a tone unusually soft for the loud god. It was a stupid question. Well-meant but stupid.

"Do I look okay?" Loki snarled back, but his words lost their usual malice, making them sound broken and hurt.

"No. You do not." Thor answered honestly. "But I hope that soon you will." The younger prince wasn't sure if the blonde meant his mental well-being or his physical appearance. Perhaps both. Either way, Loki did not have high hopes. Thor was the optimist, not him.

They waited for a while. Thor said nothing for what seemed like the first time in his life. Loki just sat, creating a thousand scenarios, a thousand possible conversations with the Allfather, a thousand ways to feel rejection in his head. He stared at his hands, tracing the triangular marks on their backs, brushing the raised patterns of his face. Memorizing them so that, maybe, next time he looked in a mirror the thing that stared back wouldn't be so horribly foreign.

At last Sif opened the door and motioned to the brothers that they could enter, seemingly unwilling to break the silence. To her Loki looked hidden and dangerous hidden beneath the green hood, while Thor seemed confused and for once unsure of what to do. But on her cue they both got to their feet.

Loki's heart pounded as he walked through the tall doors, trying to build up courage to confront Odin. He hesitated for a moment, then blinked his eyes and stepped forward again. For a second, he didn't feel Thor next to him. The blonde was waiting in the archway, allowing his brother privacy. In a moment of panic, Loki grasped Thor's hand in his own, pulling him forward. Both of them pulled their hands away quickly, Loki remembering that his touch had the power to freeze. Thor cursed quietly at the frost burn, but walked at the younger prince's side, taking the hint.

Sif gave a short nervous wave from the side of the room.

Odin sat on the throne, looking at nothing in particular, seeming to think deeply. He looked up as the two brothers's walked forward, Loki's face still hidden, his hands behind his back. The Allfather shifted his position, straightening and grasping his staff more firmly.

"My sons." He said, and Loki winced at the word. "What brings you here? Lady Sif told me it was urgent. I shortened an important meeting with elves from Alfheim, so I hope she spoke the truth." Thor stepped forward, and Loki instantly regretted pulling him into the room.

"Father I assure you this is of more importance." He stated clearly, arrogantly. Odin's gaze narrowed.

"Thor, surely this is not about you. After yesterday, you should dare not ask me for anything." Taken aback by the words, the blonde's eyes widened.

"No! This is about my brother." He answered. His voice actually caught on the word 'brother', though barely.

"Then why do you speak for him? Even if he has done wrong, it is his responsibility to confess. Come forward, my son." The blue prince dared to take a step, still very hidden. "What is so urgent?"

Loki felt his tongue tie up, as the words in his brain refused to come out. He wanted to say a hundred things at once. The room waited in silence, the Allfather looking on him with patient eyes. He released the breath he had been holding.

"Allfather." He finally spoke, refusing to call the man his father. "I do have a confession. I traveled to Jotunheimr a second time after the battle yesterday. It was a fault on my part." He spoke evenly, the liesmith within him coming out to smooth over the half-truths. But Odin was no fool.

"Is there threat of war?" Loki shook his head. "Then why tell me this and call it urgent? You have long ago mastered deceit my son. You gain nothing from this so why have you come?"

"I went looking for answers." He stated, trying to tell the truth, a feat difficult for the liar. There was a flash of confusion on Odin's face before it hardened and saddened. Loki tensed.

"Sif." The Allfather addressed her. "Thank you for coming, but your assistance is no longer required. You may leave." She nodded and slowly left. Loki watched her exit, turning and staring at the closed doors for many moments after they had clicked shut.

"My son. Come here." Odin commanded. Loki turned around slowly and pushed the heavy hood down, revealing his face. Thor, who had stepped aside, cringed.

"But," Loki spoke through gritted teeth, trying to force away the pain. "I'm not your son am I?"

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	7. Chapter 7

**Next chapter guys! Lots of angst, sorry . A lot of this resembles what happens in the movie, but I tried to elaborate more and show differences because of a different situation. Like the younger Loki. Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews and follows and favorites! They make me happy!**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

There was silence, and the silence seemed to echo off the walls of the throne room for many moments. Loki analyzed Odin's face, looking for the hatred or disgust he had been expecting. But there was none. The Allfather's eyes held only sadness and pain. And was that regret there? Pity? The prince let out a snort of disgust.

"You can't even respond can you?" He jeered. "Tell me, how long have you known? How long did you let me believe I was Aesir?" His voice was a sarcastic wall, hiding despair.

"You are wrong Loki. You are indeed my son." The Allfather said, and his calm tone killed the blue prince. Still, hope formed. A tiny, weak light praying that maybe it was a trick. That there was some explanation. Anything. But it was a very frail light.

"Oh, am I?" Loki grinned madly and clenched his fists. "Then maybe you would like to explain why I am a- _this_?" His voice was just above a whisper, and to anyone but Odin he would have seemed dangerous, unstable.

"You have been Jotun since the moment you were born. You have been my son since the moment I found you."

"_Stop speaking in riddles!_" Loki yelled, screamed even, his façade falling completely in that moment, and he knew the depth of his pain was written clearly in his features. In the blue. He felt tears begin the build up in his eyes, but refused to let them fall. So it was true. It wasn't a trick, or a curse. He was a monster. Born a monster and cursed to die one as well. Odin spoke again, sitting up from the throne and walking up to his son.

"You know well the tale of the battle in Jotunheimr. It was many years ago, as many years as you are old." He said solemnly as Loki stared. "After that battle I found a child- an infant- left alone to die in a temple. The son of Laufey." The prince froze, his lips shaking as he tried to keep a straight face.

"Laufeyson?" He asked, in a voice no more than a whimper. "_Why_?" He was asking so many things at once. Why take a monster that would have been better off freezing in the snow, dead? Why was the small Jotun prince abandoned so as an infant? Why was all he knew about his life unfolding into a twisted lie?

Laufey. That giant, that monster, that forced this fate on him was in truth his- no. He refused to finish the thought. It was too much. And, Loki thought, who was really to blame here? He looked up at the Allfather, who was now directly in front of him. A small pocket of anger began to form in his chest beneath the hurt.

"I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. A permanent peace through you, my son." He spoke solemnly, almost as if trying to ignore the raw wound he was exposing in the blue prince. "But it cannot be. Not after what has happened since." The pocket grew.

"So I am useless now." Loki whispered to the ground. It wasn't a question. He looked up dangerously. "Do you regret it?"

"I feel no regret, Loki. I love you as my son in this form as much as in any other." Odin extended a hand to the young prince's shoulder, not looking his 'son' in the eyes. Oh, what was that? Regret? Even the honest, wise, Allfather couldn't bear to look at the monster, he thought. Loki vigorously shook the hand off, stepping back.

"Oh, really? _Lies_." Loki snarled, his voice raising again to a yell. "Because you may claim to love me, but will I ever be the equal of Thor? When the time comes for one to succeed you, do I have a chance to prove myself? To become worthy of that throne? _No!_" He took a staggered breath, almost sounding like some insane giggle as he gulped the air.

You could never let me rule! A _frost giant_ ruling Asgard? You may as well let Surtr himself rule. My very _presence_ in this realm is a disgrace. Shameful." The prince let out a full-out cackle, then quieted suddenly, grinning. "And now the _whole kingdom_ will see. They'll know. How can they not? A monster in the royal family, tarnishing the honor of their blood. A monster that has a position of power. _Horrible_. And really, whose fault is that?" Loki was smiling still, but the mad grin wavered as he looked at his father. The regret in those deep gray eyes grew, with pity. _Pity_.

"I only wanted to protect you from the truth." He spoke in a voice trying to comfort. Trying and failing. And the thing was, the Allfather told the truth. Loki knew that, and it made it all the worse.

"Because I'm a monster? A freak?" He asked, and the voice that had been screaming a moment ago cracked. He stilled yelled, but the words were broken and filled with despair. Then at last the tears that had built up little by little began to fall, following the patterns in his blue skin. "So you tried to _protect _me. Well you failed. My _whole life_ I've been different. And I knew it. And everyone else knew it, knows it. Now it all makes sense. How could a monster ever fit in with the Aesir? Hide blue skin, and what do you get? You can't change the thing on the inside."

Loki couldn't study the Allfather's face any longer, because now hot tears blurred his vision. He wondered if to others they felt cold. He wondered whether they could even be seen on the blue. He wiped his eyes quickly, brushing the wet droplets away.

"Please my son." For a second time Odin put his hand on Loki's shoulder, and this time the prince did not shake it off. Instead he grabbed the Allfather's wrist, letting the blue skin touch the pink. The man did not flinch or pull away, but Loki hoped it burned.

"_I'm not your son_._ I am a frost giant, a Jotun. The creature parents tell stories about to scare their children._" He was yelling again, but the tears remained. "_And how much better are you? Liar! Keeping the truth hidden my whole life? Lies! You can't_-" The torn words stopped suddenly and Loki looked beside him. Thor. Where Odin had removed his hand moments ago, Thor had reached out and squeezed the prince's narrow shoulders.

"Brother. Please stop." He said in his sturdy voice. Loki took in a ragged breath, looking back and forth between Thor and Odin. Both were solemn, with pain in their eyes. Slowly, the blonde nodded to the floor.

Ice. From where the small Jotun stood, frost reached out, spreading web-like over the room, wrapping up the prince's legs. He noticed the air had become bitter and cold. The ice seemed to consume him, and a layer of crystals covered his skin now. It wasn't even cold, the same temperature as the rest of him. It reached to Thor and Odin as well, it grabbed at their feet, trying to hold them down as it spread.

Loki stared, his eyes wide in horror. He had done that. Without even realizing it, he had done that. He backed up, shaking his head. It was horrible. After all of this, everything pointing to him being a frost giant, this confirmed it. Perhaps he could have tricked himself in believing that somehow being raised in Asgard would change what he was, his nature. But not anymore. Jotun was not just a species, a race born into. He_ was_ Jotun. To the core.

Stumbling backward, Loki turned and ran, his hands hitting the smooth stone wall. He closed his eyes.

The prince and king watched as the blue man slowly disappeared, became shadow. The door swung open wildly by some mysterious force, and he was gone, unable to face truth.

Thor turned to his father as the ice slowly melted against the warm air, leaving puddles of water on the floor.

"What have you done to him?" The blonde asked dangerously. Odin's eyes showed a deep pain. "Why would you do that?"

"This is not your place Thor. Had I known he would react like this, I would have asked you to leave with Lady Sif." He said quietly, warning his son.

"How would you expect him to react? You have hurt him deeply. Were you not the one to tell us stories of how monstrous the Jotun are? Were those tales to have no effect?" He asked, voice strong but not yelling.

"Silence! You do not understand these things! I have made mistakes, but it is in no way your place to name them." He growled. Thor went silent, not wanting to receive further punishment. They were quiet for a long time, thinking over what happened. The Allfather was solemn. He had not wished for things to go this way, but for once Thor was almost right. Almost. Odin knew his actions had lead to Loki's pain, but any other actions would have hurt him worse. In a way, the root of the problem was in what Loki was, not the actions of anyone. Or so he told himself.

Thor on his part felt conflicted. He had been raised with Loki as brothers, and in his mind they could never be anything but. He still remembered hours upon hours of playing and laughing as children. Treacherous adventures together, many on which he would have died without the help of his younger sibling.

So he couldn't see Loki as evil. Or a monster. Or without a heart. But in his mind, the Jotun _were_ evil heartless monsters. Jotun were, Loki was not. But Loki was Jotun. Thor was good at ignoring logic, but those thoughts still pricked at the back of his mind.

"What will you do father?" The blonde asked. Odin sighed.

"What will be, will be. Loki will have to handle this, and try as you may, I don't know if anyone can help him." He closed his eyes looking weary. "Please go now, my son." And with that the blonde nodded and exited the throne room, leaving a tired Odin alone.

**Please please please review! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**So, a really short chapter. Don't worry, the next one is much longer and already written. I'm just too tired to edit it right now. It should be up in the next 12 hours or so :D Anyway, thanks for reviews and everything! :D**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

Loki needed to sulk, needed to get away from people, stay away from them. And he knew that no one could see him like this. If they did… Chaos. It would be different than the reactions of people he knew, Thor and Sif. In truth it would be worse, their emotions amplified and without sympathy.

The prince's head swam. The events in the throne room rubbed at his mind, leaving it raw. All that cold and ice. And now he _created_ it. He was no longer just a victim, another innocent soul the frost took as prisoner. Something inside him knew that he could even control the cold, use it to his advantage. Would he want that? Loki wasn't one to turn down power, but this power was… cruel. Cold. Fit for a monster.

And Odin. Rage rose in him again, cold and boiling in his stomach. How could his own father lie to him like that, for his whole life? Let him think he was normal while telling him stories of the evil Jotuns. Why would he do that? Then that little voice in his head flickered on again, whispering. _He's not your father. Why should he care?_ Oh. Of course. That fact still managed to slip his mind, the illusion that had built up his whole life taking time to fade away. He didn't know why he kept forgetting. It wasn't like it was that hard to believe.

Loki wondered if the Allfather had ever truly seen him as a son. Oh sure, he could claim to love the younger prince, and perhaps he had. Maybe after the Aesir disguise had managed to delude the king for a while, he felt some sort of love. But love for him as a son? If he loved him like that, he would not have lied, Loki thought.

The blue prince was far enough beyond reason that he couldn't see the exaggeration in his thoughts. He himself lied to those he loved all the time. But it didn't matter. Exaggeration or no, Odin's actions had hurt him in a way that would leave deep scars. Any warping Loki did in his own mind, any twisted version of this situation he created, whatever madness that was forced on him, they were the Allfather's fault, and Loki blamed him.

But beneath the anger and betrayal, he just felt pain. It wasn't a defined pain. Not like a physical wound, which one could point out and describe the symptoms of. Not even like usual emotional pain, where a person could say 'This is the reason I hurt so'. It was a general hurt, a vague pulsing in the prince's mind. Because it wasn't just one thing that needed to be changed. It was_ everything_. His whole life was the source of the hurt. His whole life was that wound that needed healing. And it was a large wound to heal, perhaps beyond help.

With these thoughts floating dangerously through his mind, Loki wandered the halls of the palace, still encompassed in shadow. Every innocent man or lady striding the corridors seemed like an enemy, and he knew he needed to flee before they saw him. The wave of panic that would undoubtedly pulse over Asgard with warning of a frost giant was the least of his worries. If confronted in this mental state, Loki knew he would likely lash out at others. Monster he may be, but the prince would resist harming the innocent until there was no other choice.

But he couldn't go back to his room now. After all that, he couldn't bear to see his reflection, making his room like a trap. For this reason Loki decided to go to the library.

To the prince it was a wonder that Asgard even had a decent library, considering so many warriors were barely literate, better yet heavy readers. But the palace's library was well stocked with ancient scrolls and thick texts, as well as the spell books Loki adored. Despite his personal enthusiasm for the place, the shelves were still lined with a layer of dust beyond what he managed to blow away. Loki loved this place, and no one would interrupt him here. Exactly what he needed.

Though his favorite books were on the shelves in his room, the prince had a mission here that required different texts than he was used to. At first he thought he needed some pointless quest to get his mind off everything. Maybe he could teach himself the history of the dagger, or read more about the energy of magic. Right now thinking about himself may not be healthy.

But striding through the towering shelves, a section caught his eye. A bookcase dedicated entirely to Jotunheimr, as there was for each of the nine realms. At first the prince had bared his teeth at the books and stalked onward, but as time passed and torturous thoughts continued to plague him, he began to think otherwise.

He found a small table in the farthest reaches of the library, where shadows darkened everything despite the tall windows that let light into the room. A small lantern shed enough light to read, and the warm color it spread over his corner was comforting, mimicking the many nights he had stayed up late, book in hand. The orangey glow seemed to make everything merge into similar warm shades. He could read without being cursed by the blue of his hands.

So at last Loki opened the first book in a large pile. It was time to learn a bit more about his heritage.


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay here this is! It's a relatively long one. And a kind of break from angst. I'm sorry, I just like the idea of Loki loving his mother. Without as much affection from his father, it seems likely. And Frigga struck me as kind.**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

"Loki? Loki!" Lady Frigga ran through the tall shelves to the back corner of the library, where a figure was asleep on a book. The light next to him was off but rays of sunlight were beginning to shine through the windows, not reaching where her son slept. She laughed in relief, knowing no one but Loki would doze off here while reading.

She put a gentle hand on his back, trying to wake him.

"Loki. Wake up." She said softly. Had the prince been conscious she was sure that he would recoil at the motherly tone of voice. He was always so prickly. Loki didn't wake, but he shifted in his sleep, murmuring quietly. The queen couldn't make out exactly what he said, but he sounded scared and hurt. "Wake up, my son. They're only nightmares."

"No they're not." Muttered a groggy voice, just awakening. "They're _real_." Loki gained consciousness suddenly, and scrambled up to see Lady Frigga there. His eyes widened in fear, but he calmed himself quickly and took a deep breath.

"Can you see well in this dark?" He asked carefully, body tense as if he were to run any second.

"Not at all! Why choose such a dull corner for studying?" She huffed playfully, then smiled. "Come. The suns are coming up now. Let's get out of this dusty library."

"Let's not." He answered flatly. He knew it was not fully respectful to speak to his mother as such, but after all, she wasn't actually his mother. A worried look came across her face as she pulled up a chair to sit next to him.

"Loki what happened?" He was silent. "I've been worried sick about you here! I still am." She told him.

"You shouldn't be." He muttered under his breath, then raised his voice a bit. "Why did you go looking for me?" He asked stiffly, keeping his tone in check.

"You hadn't been seen for over a day." She answered softly. "And when I asked your father and brother where you could be, they both just looked away. Even Thor, who rarely is quiet." Loki said nothing, wincing to himself and staring intently at the table.

"Please tell me what happened, my son?" She begged. "Did you and Odin fight?" He glanced at her for the first time, the women he had always seen as his mother. He wondered if she was a liar too.

"I'm not your son though." His words were calm, controlled. "Am I?" After a moment of shock, Frigga's face fell into a sad smile, and Loki recoiled as she tried to hold his hand in her own. He didn't want to burn her.

"So that explains it." She said softly. "Yes Loki. You are adopted. But never doubt that you are my son." The prince stared, shocked at such a simple reaction. She had lied to him too, and for that he was bitter, but there was something different in Frigga than in Thor and Odin. There was no disgust or horror in her face, just a slight sadness, sadness that her son was in pain.

But something was off. Did she truly know what he was? No. She hadn't seen him in this form yet. It would be idiotic to get his hopes up.

"How can you say that so easily?" He hissed. "Did father tell you where I am from?"

"No. He did not." She said, and Loki's heart sunk, leaving some black pit behind. "But I'm no idiot Loki."

"Oh?" Was all he could manage.

"A infant brought back from the battle in Jotunheimr?" She spoke softly. "Only two races fought that day, and I do not believe you are Aesir." Loki flinched. So she had assumed correctly. But it still wasn't quite the same as knowing. She could easily trick herself into thinking he was not a Jotun, surely. And it wasn't nearly the same as seeing. With seeing there was no denial.

"I am stuck in that form. Whatever disguise I wore for thousands of years has melted away." He growled. "When you see me like that, will you act so calm?" It was almost a challenge actually, and Frigga sighed. Pity. And sadness for the boy she raised as her son.

"I can't promise I will be calm Loki." She said quietly. She got up and walked out of the darkness. "But even so, I can swear it won't change my opinion of you. You know me well enough to know I will love you in any form." She could say that, but Loki doubted it deeply. She sat down in the light and pulled a chair next to her, motioning for her son to join her. "Let's talk in the light now, okay?" She was very calm, as if making regular conversation.

The prince would have much rather stayed hidden, but he refused to show the idiotic stubbornness so common in Thor. So he got up, muscles protesting from sleeping in an uncomfortable position, and slowly walked over to the empty chair. He didn't make eye contact with Frigga, didn't want to see whatever expression she was wearing. This was his _mother_. And unlike Thor and Odin who had treated him differently from the beginning, from the queen he had always received love.

At last he dared to look beside him, meeting her eyes. She had her hand over her mouth and her eyes were wide. He saw pity in her and worry and pain and a very deep sadness. But there was no disgust, and no fear, and no hatred. For a second, Loki let himself relax, closing his eyes.

"Who did this to you?" She asked quietly. Loki snapped his head around to look at her, eyes like flames. The moment of almost contentment fled, leaving anger behind. But even then she didn't look scared.

"No one _did_ this to me." He hissed. "No. This is what I _am_. It's not a curse or spell. Were you hoping it might be? If it were we could just blame others, try to reverse it. But no, I _am_ Jotun. You're as incompetent as the rest of them." He didn't yell this time, instead his tone was cold. Frigga said nothing, and he didn't look at her, instead staring intently at the ground.

"Not so easy to love me now is it?" He growled, but his words had lost any malice they held earlier. He looked at his mother- at the very least it was comforting to call her such- and froze. "No. Gods no please don't cry." There were quiet tears running down the woman's face. Loki couldn't remember the queen ever crying before; she was typically strong and hid her grief.

Loki felt horrible. How could he do this? It was his fault. He knew it. He had yelled, been cruel. The prince put his face in his hands. He couldn't touch her to comfort her. There was nothing he could do.

"I am sorry. " He said helplessly. It was a simple apology, but coming from one who rarely regretted his actions it meant a lot. "I'm a monster." It was the first time he had said it aloud, straight and without question, without challenge. The queen, who was wiping her eyes and regaining her former elegance, stopped and turned her head around dangerously. The look in her eyes was one Loki knew well, the one he got regularly as a child, the one that meant he was big trouble. He hadn't seen that look in years.

"Loki Odinso- Loki." She had to correct herself. "Look at me. No, look. You are _not_ a monster. In no way, inside or out. And you _cannot_ call yourself that or allow yourself to believe it. Understood?" Loki said nothing, but gave a small nod. After all, he was a skilled liar. He felt his mother relax slightly, but the prince tensed.

"I feel vulnerable in the light." Loki said, breaking a short silence. "Exposed almost. I would prefer the darkness."

"You can't spend the rest of your life in the dark. It would be unhealthy." The Jotun cocked an eyebrow, but the queen ignored him. "And this light looks lovely on your skin." He narrowed his eyes at her, looking away and moving his hands, as if it could somehow hide the color.

"Just lovely." He muttered mockingly, looking at his palm. Great. He was practically glowing in the light. She sighed, not knowing what to say, how to comfort her son.

"I don't know if you care, but it doesn't look bad on you. The blue. I've never seen the Jotun up close, and quite frankly the historical scrolled illustrate them with slightly exaggerated features. In person it looks rather exotic." She offered a tentative smile. Was that supposed to be a compliment?

"Exotic? If you had been to Jotunheimr you may not think it so. Everything is snow and ice there. Not very exotic at all." He scowled, but then paused for a moment and thought about what she said, actually chuckling out loud. "Mother you have never seen a frost giant before? You must be thrilled then I don't have horns growing out of my head." He joked sarcastically, slightly strained but a joke nonetheless. The scrolls, while informative, were extremely biased with rather inaccurate depictions of other races. The frost giants, as the natural enemy of the Aesir, were naturally made out to be quite hideous.

"I wasn't sure what to expect." She replied, happy to see him laugh. Even happier to be called mother. "It wouldn't have mattered though." Loki just snorted.

"I did research on my… heritage. I learned some interesting things, mostly about the history." He scowled. "But some other information as well."

"Did something in particular bother you?" She asked, hoping otherwise.

"It is just cruel how this truth has been taunting me my whole life without my knowing." He smirked darkly. "You know that I was- am- often teased for being effeminate? Magic is for women and that nonsense." It really was nonsense, as the prince could easily best just about anyone using sorcery.

"I am well aware." She replied gently.

"The Jotun naturally have different gender roles, different genders even. They still play the same parts in the, um, reproductive cycle," He actually blushed, as that was not a topic to discuss with his mother. "But men and women are characterized a bit differently." The queen said nothing. What could she say?

"And obviously the resistance to the cold." He added. Then resigned again, pulled bad into his shell. The uncertain look on Frigga's face bothered him. He had been to open, forgetting he was a monster, that this was not normal.

"It does make sense." She said finally, as if the long pause had not occurred. "I just wish it didn't have to."

"You wish I wasn't Jotun?" It was a trap of words, testing her.

"I wish that it didn't bring you pain that you are." Loki just laughed darkly, that mad chuckle that made many question his sanity.

"Too late." He whispered. Quietly the queen spoke a spell and her skin glowed white for a second before fading back to normal. Much to the prince's surprise, she put her hand on Loki's own, and pulled him into a hug.

Loki didn't like hugs. He found them rather repulsing, having no desire to share sweat and body odor with others, and no reason to show affection. But this was different. It was a mother embracing her child, and Loki almost, _almost_ appreciated it.

"You forget who taught you the basics of magic." She said with a knowing smile. He pulled away, beginning to feel suffocated.

"Perhaps I did." He replied, and she stood up, brushing off her clothes. The prince retreated to the darkness again.

"I have to go Loki, things to attend to. I'm sure you have some of your own."

"Like this? I think not." He snorted.

"Then at least get washed up. Try to relax some." Frigga encouraged. The Jotun shifted nervously on his feet.

"I don't know if I can go back to my room easily." He grimaced. "The mirror." The queen got that sad look in her eyes again. In a way the prince regretted that his own pain made her hurt. But at the same time it was comforting.

"You'll have to face it at some point Loki." He just clenched his fists in response, glaring from the shadows.

"Thank you for your kindness, Lady Frigga. Not many are willing to act as such." Cutting off his emotions again, shifting to formalities. "Until later, mother." And with that Loki disappeared into the shadows again as the queen headed towards the door.

**Please read and review :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Gosh I'm sorry for such a late update! Buut it's a long chapter! Longish anyway. I've been busy.**

**But thank you to everyone for all the reviews and favorites and follows! You guys are awesome!**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

Loki returned to his room after that, a warm feeling beginning to grow in him beneath all of the cold. It was a very small fire, more like a little candle of sorts, lit by his mother's affection. Despite everything that hurt right now, there was still someone to care for him, someone he could actually call family without cringing at the reminder of betrayal. It was nice.

But how long had he expected that candle to last against the snow and ice that came with Jotunheimr, his heritage? Loki actually shivered as he entered his room, as if there really were some wind blowing out what little hope he had.

His damn reflection again. It haunted him like a ghost, following him relentlessly, lashing out in malice whenever he caught a glimpse of himself.

"I think it's time to get rid of this mirror." He mused to himself, his mild tone contrasting drastically with the look in his eyes. Hate. Pure loathing and disgust in those blood red irises for the monster behind the glass. Loki smiled, a lifeless smirk that didn't phase the detestation in his features. There was a madness in his voice seeping through the steady tone, a kind of insanity that would send a crowd running with a single word, or easily goad the most peaceful warrior into attacking. But there was no one else in the room besides the Jotun and his reflection, no one else to taunt or terrify.

In a split second, a dagger had embedded itself in the glass, web-like cracks veining out along the walls. Loki's movements had been sudden, unpredictable and fluid as water. Flawless. The tip of the blade, from where the prince stood, appeared buried in the chest of his counterpart beyond the mirror. The smile widened.

From his sleeves the prince pulled another small knife, and slung it in a similar manner, this time without aim. More cracks. His image was becoming distorted, a mess of sharp blue color and hateful red eyes.

He need more, and grabbed weapons from the walls. His staff found its way into the mirror as well, along with various other blades from around the room. He released them carelessly from blue hands, as if he were throwing stones along the riverside. But they still never failed to pierce the glass.

And then he just threw things, anything he could find. A vase from a shelf. An unlit lantern. Books. Lots of books, thick and heavy, making painful thumping sounds as they hit the mirror. He wasn't even thinking anymore, his cold calculated self disintegrating in the heat of driving useless items into the glass stretched across his wall.

Finally he stopped, breathing heavily and sneering weakly at the mess he'd made.

"That's better." He managed, letting out a disjointed laugh. But his voice cracked, and while he did not shed tears, just that tiny break in his tone made all the difference in his words. It made them broken.

The mirror was completely shattered, hundreds of shards scattered around the room, mixed among the items that had hit the wall and dropped. The pieces were reflecting the little light that peaked through a curtained window, sending flashes of white into the prince's eyes.

Some of the glass still clung to the mirror, holding on in misshaped fragments. It caste a distorted reflection, tearing items into pieces along the cracks. One shard in particular remained, with considerable size, managing to show actual features in Loki's face.

He stepped toward the wall, crushing the glass beneath his feet. He felt the pain of a stubborn piece slicing through his boots and making it through his skin. He ignored it, but wondered if the blood was staining his boots scarlet. For that matter, he wondered whether he even bled scarlet in this form. Not that it mattered, not at this point. It shouldn't matter at least.

He stared into the last of his lovely mirror and scowled. Even in all this ruin he could still see the monster. With cracks altering his image, many Jotuns looked back at him, the same face repeated over and over. If anything, it was even crueler. Cruel, but still, easily fixed.

He swung his fingers towards the wall, a ball of light building up in his palm, protecting his hand and holding power at the same time. It hit the glass, and with what resembled a small explosion, pieces flew outward around the room, repelled and broken by the magic the prince used. They landed with cracking sounds against the floor and bookshelves.

One or two of the fragments managed to cut his face, causing him to cringe and reach up to remove the glass from his skin. A violet liquid covered them and dripped slowly down his face. Purple. Okay. So not only did he not share Odin's blood, but his blood was a difference substance altogether. That fact dug a small pit in his chest, but really, what had he expected?

A part of Loki regretted the end of his mirror. It was a priceless treasure, and a piece that held sentimental value. But it had to be done. Like everything else, it had betrayed him. It hurt to look into it. And so, it had needed to be destroyed.

He took a last glance at the ruin around him, and walked slowly toward his bed. He put his face in his hands, a lost and unsure feeling rising in him once again.

_Now what?_

* * *

The people of Asgard didn't see the prince for a while.

Not that they saw him often before the battle in Jotunheimr, but at least then they noticed him attending meetings and passing through the halls. Now he seemed to have disappeared. A servant or two may claim to see him around his quarters, but they only told of a man wearing a hood, one that hid identifying features.

It wasn't horribly uncommon for the darker prince to go missing. Many times the two brothers had snuck out of Asgard much as they had a few days ago, looking for adventure or causing trouble. And more than once the younger brother went out alone, sometimes returning to punishment, and other times coming home as if their had been no disappearance in the first place. It could be very strange, but then again, Loki was a peculiar man.

This time it was different though, something was off. The people that passed in and out of the palace knew Loki's whereabouts were none of their business, but mention of him brought an odd reaction from the Allfather. Where they expected to see annoyance or bemusement or maybe even anger in Odin's features, instead they saw something dark and sad.

Thor too, looked regretful at mention of his brother, much as one would if there had been death of a child. Even Sif looked uncomfortable when others began discussing Loki, and the Warriors Three could tell she and Thor knew something they didn't. Neither would breathe a word when asked. And so for a while the situation of the prince was a great mystery.

One day Thor found Loki in a garden, a private garden toward the center of the palace, where Odin's family stayed. It was secure, family only, and nobody would interrupt. Thor was sure that was why his brother chose the place.

The younger prince was sitting on a bench, playing with magic of some sort, or perhaps practicing. Thor never really learned to tell the difference. He looked up as the blonde approached, folding his hands in his lap and giving the other man a sour smile.

"Brother!" Thor exclaimed, sitting him. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you for days. No one has." Loki smirked, holding up his hand.

"I'm sure they- you- are so disappointed." He answered sarcastically.

"I do not know about others, but I have been very worried Loki."

"Oh so _want_ to see me like this?" He gave that cold grin again, challenging the blonde in a way. He just sighed in return, looking almost guilty.

"No. I admit that it is very… unnerving to me." He said. "But still, it's not something you can help, is it?" The Jotun scowled, feeling bitter at Thor's words. But he pushed the feeling down to answer the question at face value rather than pick apart it's meaning.

"My shape shifting abilities are still blocked, if that's what you're asking." He spoke with forced politeness, and it was clear even to Thor. "But you realize that either way, it does not change what I am?" The blonde grimaced.

"Yes. But it would make everything easier to handle I think." Loki narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry you're having difficulty." He laughed with dripping sarcasm. "What a burden you must have to carry." The Jotun would swear he actually saw Thor flinch.

"That is not what I meant, and you know it." He pouted like a child. "I meant easier on everybody, especially you." Loki glared, feeling uncomfortable. He did not need his idiot of a brother- or, not his brother he supposed- telling him how things could be easier, or how to handle this.

"You have no idea what you are talking about Thor." He growled. "Appearance means nothing. It's what is behind it, it's meaning. That's what matters."

"You're lying again brother. I saw what you did to your room." Loki said nothing in return. His room was still littered with shards of glass and random items.

"You should not have been in my room." He managed after a long pause.

"I was just looking for you brother!" Thor protested. "I was worried. Are you angry with me Loki?" The younger prince thought for a second. Yes, he decided. He was indeed angry with Thor, or perhaps bitter was a better word. He already understood the blonde's take on the situation. Simplified, it boiled down to 'Jotun are horrible creatures, and it is worse that Loki is one, but he cannot help it or control it so it is okay'. The logic was so terribly flawed, the prince almost cringed at the thought.

"At the moment most of my anger is directed at Odin." He said, knowing it would be pointless to explain his thoughts. Thor looked relieved for a second, but then frowned.

"Why father?" He asked, and Loki was torn between screaming at the idiocy and putting his face in his hands in exasperation. He did neither.

"I am angry with _Odin_," He hissed, emphasizing the name. "Because he lied to me my entire life. He allowed me to be ignored and feel different without any explanation for thousands of years until finally _Laufey_ revealed what I am. Do I not have reason to be resentful?" Thor said nothing, clearly thinking it over.

"You have every right." He answered. "But you have to forgive him at some point, do you not?" Loki laughed bitterly.

"Not today. Not any time soon." He said. "Imagine for a moment, Thor, that you were in my place. You, rather than I, found out you were a monster. What would you do?" The blonde thought for a moment, bunching his eyebrows together.

"I do not know, Loki." He finally answered, but he looked pained.

"Exactly." The younger prince ended the topic there, with that word, and Thor knew it.

"Tell me then, what have you been doing all this time?" He asked, hoping to keep conversation up with his brother so he wouldn't leave. In return the Jotun gave an actual smile, a spark of pride showing in his eyes.

"I have mastered invisibility." As he said it, his image slowly disappeared until all that could be seen was a slight waver in the air, a ripple where Loki stood. Thor grinned back, looking impressed.

"That is quite an accomplishment!" Loki's abilities in magic were not widely appreciated, but over the years Thor had come to recognize the level of his brother's skill. It was basically unmatched.

"I am rather proud myself." He replied smugly. Invisibility was one of the most difficult spells to learn, taking incredible amounts of power. The prince doubted Thor understood that, but there he was still thankful for the praise nonetheless. Then his face darkened. "Want to see something else I learned?"

"If you wish, then I would love to see." Loki nodded mischievously and breathed, concentrating, reaching for the frost, power ages away. Ice formed around his hand forming a deadly sword up his arm, the shape beautiful and strong. In one movement, he jumped up and swung out, slicing some innocent daisies to the floor. It was a clean cut though, showing the danger of the ice.

A look of horror crept into the blonde's face as Loki turned around. He had a wicked, bitter smile on his face, feeding from Thor's reaction.

"What?" He laughed madly. "Is there a problem?" He pulled ice around his other hand too, grin widening. The older bother looked unsure of what to say, once again torn between love for his brother and what he felt was a moral obligation to protest.

"This isn't right Loki." He growled quietly. The Jotun let his crystal swords crack and drop to the ground.

"Of course it's not right. It's so disastrously _wrong_." He hissed, taunting. "But like you said, it's not my fault. Right?" The blonde just sighed.

"You are impossible to argue with."

"Then I have accomplished at least one goal in life." Loki smirked, and Thor just laughed, the mood lightening just a bit. "It is my power now- or perhaps it always has been- so why shouldn't I use it?" Thor shook his head, knowing better than to argue back.

"It may not be my place to say, but I do not think you should continue to hide. At some point everyone will know, and waiting will only make it worse." He advised, for a moment sounding very wise. Of course, the moment passed quickly. "You could start with the Warriors Three. I am sure they will understand, as you have known them since you were very young." Loki snorted in return. He may have known those warriors for a long time, but the prince had never quite seen eye to eye with them.

"I don't need your advice Thor." He replied "You should know as well as I do that your friends would be as hostile towards me as anyone else." The blonde shook his head in defiance, but respected the younger brother's choice enough to keep quiet.

"You wouldn't feel ashamed though, if Asgard knew of my heritage?" Loki added. Thor looked confused.

"Ashamed? Right now you scare me far more than I care to admit, and I still find it unnerving to look at you." He spoke confidently. "But I am in no way ashamed." Loki had difficulty believing those words, but they held an undeniable truth to them.

"Thank you for your honesty Thor." He answered quietly. The words stung some, but he preferred them to a mask of kindness over hate and scorn any day.

"You know what you need, brother?" The blonde smiled. "A good fight. Come. We should go train together. It's been a while." Loki narrowed his eyes.

"I don't particularly feel like interacting with anyone like this," He said, "but I think it could not hurt to prove my power to you again." He offered a mischievous, though tentative, grin.

"Ha! You cannot beat me." Thor boasted, glad the Jotun was agreeing. Loki snorted.

"And gloating of how great you are will help at all?" He said smugly. "I refuse to engage in pointless exchanges of arrogance like you do with your friends." But when Thor got up to leave, he followed, the smile from earlier, to his surprise, remaining on his lips.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm sorry for the really late update! I've been busy, and it's not going to get any better now that school****'s starting! ****But here you go! Don't hate me!**

**Also thank you thank you thank you for reviews and follows and favorite. I will thank you guys every chapter because they make me happy :D**

**And of course Marvel isn't mine**

Loki leapt aside, narrowly dodging Thor's blade. With mjolnir taken from him, he was pushed to using a sword instead, limiting his power significantly. The blonde had considerable talent with the weapon he was using, but it didn't match that of his hammer in the least. Thus, Thor had proposed that his brother not use magic in the duel.

The Jotun couldn't have that. He had negotiated to a restriction on invisibility and duplicating himself. This, of course, was a completely unfair bargain. Without his main source of power, the blonde was just brute strength, and the younger prince still had huge depths of magic. But Loki believed that words were an art of battle as well, and he had just used them to win this fight.

While Thor lifted his sword again, Loki held out his staff and muttered words in a strange language. The blonde began to slow down, stopping completely mid-swing, in the middle of battle like rage. The younger prince snickered as he looked up at the frozen figure.

"You should see the look on your face." He jibbed, backing up and nonchalantly releasing him from the spell. Honestly, after winning six times out of ten, it wasn't even fun anymore. A part of him began to regret his earlier negotiations. Sadly, there was no way that he would let Thor show him up, especially when he was next to powerless. Or rather, without magic. Others may recognize mjolnir only as a powerful weapon, but Loki knew it was also a tool of sorcery that held large amounts of energy.

"At least my face is not blue." He responded bitterly. It was a childish, playful even, attempt at an insult, but the darker man pursed his lips anyway, resisting the urge to trace the patterns on his skin again.

"I think I've beat you enough for one day." Loki taunted, turning away calmly towards the door. The blonde made a sound of rage behind him.

"This is not over!" He yelled, lifting his sword again. The Jotun rolled his eyes.

"Thor, please stop making an idiot of yourself. We both have things to do tonight." Or, Thor had things to do. Some ceremonial banquet that Loki would skip to instead sulk in his room a while longer.

"And what will you be doing?"

"If you regret me leaving so much, I can promise I won't disappear for so long again. But I have to go now."

"You're not doing anything, are you?" He huffed, concern showing on his face. Loki scowled.

"What I do is none of your business. But as for what I don't do, I will not be going to that banquet. Don't bother trying to convince me." The stubbornness in his voice mimicked that which was often in Thor's.

"Come on brother! It's rude to go missing for so long. You have many people worried." He was using his confident tone to hide worry, avoiding the most obvious flaw in the issue. This time Loki didn't even bother saying anything, just giving the blonde a sarcastic, and slightly apathetic glare with his crimson eyes. Thor shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Stop pretending this is normal." He said quietly. Thor closed his eyes and sighed.

"I do not know what else to do. But perhaps if you choose to come, it will not be as bad as you think? You always predict the worst."

"What fool wouldn't show hate or fear in the presence of a monster?" The Jotun hissed. "Only you, it seems. And you are the most foolish man I know." He didn't mention Lady Frigga, as the comment was meant to sting only the blonde. Thor was silent, offended but unable to think of a comeback that wasn't too cruel.

"If you have nothing more to say, then I will be leaving now." The younger prince said stiffly. Rather than walk away, Loki slowly disappeared, his eyes fixed on Thor the whole time.

So that confirmed it. The man he had always seen to be his brother really did think him a monster. He hadn't protested, had he? And Thor always protested that with which he didn't agree. Oh sure, in Thor's eyes he was a _good_ monster. One blessed enough to live his life in wondrous Asgard, that had become good somehow because of it. He continued to watch his brother behind invisibility, feeling a pit grow in his chest.

Thor looked sad and confused, seemingly unsure of what he had done wrong. The idiot. The Jotun just stared as finally the blonde finally left, leaving a sigh behind.

Back in his room, Loki changed clothes, putting on a nicer outfit. For some reason there was a part of him that actually wanted to go to that stupid banquet. Perhaps it was a desire to confuse his brother further, or to create chaos. Or maybe he just wanted to hear what others were saying about him. Either way, he eventually decided to go out, cloaked in invisibility, to gauge his situation as well as that of Asgard.

As the prince entered the more public part of the palace, a strange feeling came to his stomach. It had only been a few days since he'd been here, but it felt foreign in a way, distant. He felt like he didn't belong. Not an unfamiliar feeling to the Jotun, but an unpleasant one nonetheless. It made it even worse when his thoughts lingered on exactly _how_ he didn't belong.

His eyes darted to his hands again, a small wave of relief washing over him as he didn't see the blue. Invisibility. It was proving to be the most useful skill he had learned, excepting shape shifting, perfect for his… situation.

The tall room being used for this particular event was filled with people and the loud drone of their chatting. Loki was sure most of it was idiocy, but as any ceremonial announcements seemed to have already taken place, and the meal was still an hour or so coming, it would be the perfect place to eavesdrop and gather information.

Swiftly, he weaved in and out of the crowd, stopping to listen in on a conversation here and there, but all he picked up on were exaggerated war stories, talk of clothing, and occasional politics. Nothing he cared to be concerned with. He passed by Thor a few times in a group with his friends, but the Warriors Three knew better than to gossip about Loki with Thor there.

With no luck after thirty minutes, the Jotun was about ready to cause a bit of mischief, and began thinking of a trick he could play on the guests of the banquet. Perhaps do something to the drinks? Turn them to blood? A bit gruesome, and not something that would be taken well. Turn them to ice? That could work. And wasn't it so suiting to his situation too? It would get people talking about him, no doubt, and perhaps give them a bit of a clue as well.

Just as Loki was about to murmur the spell, he heard his name. It came from a corner of the room, where Sif and the Warriors Three stood, he assumed having a conversation. He abandoned the prank, whisking over to the area unnoticed.

"At this point, I begin to wonder if he's in actual danger" Fandral laughed. Taking a sip of mead. "And not just getting into trouble again." Loki bristled slightly. Had the warrior forgotten the huge trouble he had just gotten into with Thor? But that was Thor. Thor was allowed to make mistakes in his friends' eyes, even if they caused wars.

"No. The Allfather wouldn't be so calm if Loki was in danger, would he? Even if it is Loki, you think the King would have sent out a rescue mission of something of the like." Volstagg spoke up, having swallowed whatever he had been chewing a minute before. "I recon he's gotten himself in some big trouble, and is hiding. Too embarrassed to show everyone his punishment." He actually grinned. Was the idea of Loki's punishment so delightful to the fat man, or was he just stupid? The prince couldn't decide. Fandral, on the other hand, laughed again.

"Ay!" He agreed. "Perhaps someone's gone and sewn his lips again. Though I find it surprising that the Allfather's allowing him to cower the way he is." Cower? In a way that struck a nerve. The Jotun would love to see one of them handle this better.

"What do you think, Hogun?" The larger man asked.

"We should not make assumptions, especially know how unpredictable Loki is." He said, not bothering to raise his voice. If the dark-haired warrior spoke, people listened without need for him to speak up. In the prince's opinion, he was the most competent out of Thor's friends.

"Well we wouldn't _need_ to make assumptions if someone would just tell us what is going on." The blonde warrior turned to Sif pointedly at that moment. The Lady Warrior had been quiet throughout the conversation, a resigned look in her eyes mixed with slight annoyance.

"And if you wouldn't be so nosey, we wouldn't have the issue in the first place." She jibbed back, and Volstagg laughed at his friend's frown. Loki almost smiled, appreciating her secrecy. Fandral just let out a low whistle.

"Lady Sif, _defending_ Loki?" He raised an eyebrow. "I swear, the trickster must have dug himself into deep trouble this time."

"Don't you trust my judgment, you oaf?" She replied, rolling her eyes. "You know I would be the first to jump at a chance to get under Loki's skin."

"Then I don't see what the problem is." The larger man laughed, his tone teasing. Unlike his blonde friend, he wasn't determined to get the information, instead enjoying conversation and good company.

"The _problem_ is I actually know when I need to keep my mouth shut." Her tone was joking now, lightening the mood. Volstagg raised an eyebrow.

"What are you suggesting Sif?" He asked playfully.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." She replied, smiling.

"You pity him." Hogun said simply, and the woman's smile disappeared. Loki narrowed his eyes, waiting to see where this would go. Sif looked uncomfortable, and annoyed that the darker man had pulled the conversation back to that topic.

"_Pity_?" The blonde warrior asked. "I don't care what happened to him Sif, but you know how he is. Causing mischief, lying, facing battle like a coward. He probably deserved it." Something snapped in Loki's mind. That hurt, and he wouldn't let the warrior get away with those words.

"Once again, Fandral, you speak without thinking." He said calmly, still unseen. He used a spell to project his voice around them so they couldn't find his location. All four warriors except Hogun jumped in surprise, trying to detect the source of the voice. "Speaking out so harshly when you are so clueless as to what's going on." The man took a step forward, maintaining his composure, and grinned. The fatter man continued to look for the source of the voice, confused.

"Well then, would you be so kind as to inform us?" Fandral asked.

"No." He replied slickly. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not always a kind soul."

"What soul?" The blonde muttered, but Volstagg quickly stepped forward to cover up his words.

"We were just playing around Loki." He said apologetically. "Why don't you stop this magic you're doing and have an actual conversation?" The prince snickered quietly. His magic always had unnerved them.

"Trust me, I'm doing you a favor." He said darkly.

"What? Is your punishment that horrid?" The blonde man stepped up again. "I guess it's not another needle to your lips, as you're speaking to us." Loki rolled his eyes despite the fact that they couldn't see him.

"Punishment? I have done nothing worth punishing." He hissed.

"I'm sure you've done _something_ that could justify it." At this point, his words were half teasing, but with the prince at the focus of it, Loki didn't take it kindly. Sif looked similarly annoyed, knowing her friend was stepping way out of line. Perhaps after a few glasses of wine his tongue was growing too loose.

"You have no idea what you are talking about, you imbecile." When he said that, Sif felt she could hear the unspoken words: no one deserves this.

"Then come one, old friend, prove it! Tell your tale and we'll hope that for once you're not lying." Fandral was laughing, but it was clear that his intent was more malicious than his tone suggested. Volstagg was frowning, having given up on trying to shut the man up. "At least it would be better than hiding like a coward." Loki narrowed his eyes and stood very still.

"Want to find out that much, do you?" He said dangerously. Now his voice once more sounded like it came from him, and the four warriors turned toward the noise. Sif visibly put her head it her hand, exasperated and knowing that nothing good would come.

He let the invisibility slowly slide off him, looking down to see his blue hands appear once more. Red eyes glared at the blonde warrior, and a bitter smiled spread across the prince's face.

"Happy?"

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	12. Chapter 12

**Welp, next chapter! I like Frigga. Thanks for the attention you've given this story, it really keeps me writing. And its just lovely.**

**I don't own anything Marvel.**

Frigga wisped into her bedroom, hoping she may finally have a chance to talk to her husband. Ever since what happened with her son, he had been so… distant. The queen knew why, but in her mind that did not give him an excuse to avoid talking to her so completely. Whenever she thought she might have the chance to speak to him, he was due for another meeting, or needed to greet guests in the kingdom. She knew the Allfather was stressed and under pressure from all sides, but she did not think that justified avoidance.

And now he stood in front of a mirror, attaching a cape to his outfit. There was a banquet in an hour or so, but the King would not be expected to make an appearance for a significant amount of time. He looked over at her as she entered.

"Frigga." He said simply, sounding tired. She said nothing in return, a sad look coming into her eyes.

"I apologize for my distance these past few days." He told her. She gave a slight smile, but it slid away quickly.

"I wish to talk about Loki." She said, and Odin grimaced. "Do you know what you did to him?"

"You've seen him then?" She bit her lip, picturing her son as he was a few days ago. Blue, and very, very hurt.

"Yes."

"That is not my doing. He was born a frost giant, so is that not his true form?" A glint of anger grew in Frigga's eyes.

"I am not referring to his appearance, Odin, terrifying as it may be!" She raised her voice. "I mean what you have _done_ to him. I do not know what you said to him, but it could not have been comforting!" Odin picked up his staff, looking sad. The prince's words rang in his ear. _So I'm useless now._

"I said what needed to be said."

"What needed to be said?" She asked. "He _needed_ to be told he is loved, and that you don't care he is Jotun. He needed to be told he is the equal of Thor."

"All of those things are true, Frigga. He should know that." He said solemnly. But a voice in his head wondered, was his Jotun son really the equal of an Aesir? How could Loki live up to his brother when the core of who he was brought him so much lower? _My very presence in this realm is a disgrace. Shameful_.

"But he doesn't. He has been raised in a society that hates the frost giants, sees them as monsters." Her voice was filled with despair. "How do you think he views himself then?" Odin closed his eyes, pain in his features_. Because I'm a monster? A freak?_

"I was trying to avoid that, by hiding it from him." He defended. "Don't you understand that?"_ So you were trying to protect me? Well you failed._

"I do." She said. "But how did you expect to tell him? How could you tell him without hurting him?"

"This is not your place."

"It is exactly my place! This is my _son_, Odin."

"He is my son too! Are you so foolish that you think I don't care?" He raised his voiced. . _Liar! Keeping the truth hidden my whole life!_

"No, but I think _you_ are so foolish that you can't show it." She cried back. The Allfather said nothing, the tension falling. _My whole life I've been different. And I knew it_.

"He needs his father's approval. It is something Loki has always craved. Please, Odin, give that to him." She whispered, and he sighed.

"I will do what I can." He leaned down and kissed her cheek before quickly walking out the door, more duties to attend to.

* * *

Fandral sputtered, spitting out his drink ungracefully. Volstagg just had his mouth wide open, in clear shock. Even Hogun's eyes widened, then narrowed darkly. Sif looked annoyed and pained, cursing to herself at Loki's stupidity. Did he feel the need to make such dramatic presentations of everything?

Slowly, the looks of shock slid into those of hate and confusion. He could see them torn between what they saw and what they knew, horror creeping in as they finally began to understand.

"I was wrong." Fandral said finally, breaking the silence. "_No one_ deserves that." At this point, Loki confirmed that he had definitely drunk too much mead to be within reason. But hat didn't stop the prince from hitting the warrior, eyes flashing. The blonde man took a step forward, pushing Loki against the wall much as Sif had. He held a clear burn mark on his arm as he looked at his friends.

"Well? Aren't you going to help me capture this giant?" He yelled. The commotion was catching people's attention, and they looked over with murmurs of shock at what they saw. Loki didn't even struggle. If he ran, or in his case disappeared, it would only leave his situation open for more rumors and lies to form. Best wait until their thick minds figured it out. Volstagg stepped up, inspecting the Jotun further.

"Let him go Fandral. I think that might actually be Loki." He said cautiously, pulling his friend back. "What kind of trick is this?" He growled. Loki said nothing, glaring.

"It's not a trick." Sif told him darkly. "That is Loki, and he is Jotun." Her voice was solemn. Loki aimed his glare at her now, but even in her obvious discomfort she rolled her eyes.

"How do you know that?" The large man asked, still trying to grasp the situation.

"Actually, yes, how _do_ you know that?" Loki chimed in. "I don't recall telling you anything."

"You are not the only one who can read people." She snorted in response. "Nor the only one who can eavesdrop." He grinned darkly, almost in approval.

"Fair enough, bu-" The prince's words were cut off.

"Frost giant!" Someone yelled, attracting attention to the scene. There were hundreds of people in the large room, and little by little they all wandered over to the corner, a chorus of gasps spreading into the air.

Loki could hear their words. A few thought they recognized him. Most thought him an intruder. All were confused. Usually the prince reveled in others' confused, loved it, but right now it angered him. Even in such a strange situation, it was absolutely unthinkable to them that the frost giant was the prince of Asgard. He wondered what would happen if he told them the truth. They would probably attack him in disbelief.

The crowd grew closer, warriors coming to the front, weapons in hand. In the palace it was customary for warriors to keep weapons on them at all times. The circled him, backed up against the wall. Could he escape? Yes, of course. But the injustice of it all stung, and his pride forced him to stay. How dare they attack the prince of Asgard? If they had any idea what they were doing…

But he wasn't a prince of Asgard, was he?

"You dare attack Loki?" He snarled at them, not paying attention to the senseless yelling echoing through the room. His words put confused looks on a few Aesir, but not enough to change their stances. Would they actually attack him? That would be a huge mistake, one they would regret.

"Loki!" Thor's voice roared as the blonde prince pushed through the thickening crowd of people. He put a hand on Loki's wrist and grabbed one of the offending warriors by his arm. "Don't touch him!" The men slowly backed up, repelled by Thor's rage.

"'Go to the banquet, Loki'" The Jotun mimicked sarcastically. "'It will be fine!' I should have known better than to listen to _you_."

"I am sorry, brother."

"_Brother_?" Fandral asked, lowing his weapon. "Will someone explain what the Hel is going on here?" The crowd was slowly silencing into mumbles of confusion.

"I thought I already explained, you oaf." Sif growled.

"You call that an _explanation_?"

"What are they doing?" Someone from the crowd growled. "Kill it!" A portion of the crowd yelled their agreement, and the room tumbled into chaos again. It was a mess of yelling and thrusting spears or swords into the air while Thor attempted to yell over them and Sif tried to explain the situation to her friends over the noise.

Loki just stood there, allowing no expression to form on his face. It was like a nightmare, everything he had feared and anticipated upon the castle seeing him. He could feel hate and loathing practically radiating off the men and women. Not for a second did they stop to think, stop to recognize him. They refused to look past the blue.

"Stop!" A voice yelled. And everything stopped.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Next chapter! Wow this story has over 50 follows now gosh thank you! ^_^**

**Obviously I don't own anything Marvel.**

The noise cut off in a split second and every head turned to the front of the room. Odin had entered, cape swinging behind him, lines on his face hard and unreadable, even to Loki.

"Step away from my son." He said, his voice quiet but demanding. Gaping, the warriors did so. Loki narrowed his eyes.

"Your son?" One man had the courage to ask.

"Yes. Do you not recognize him? It is Loki Odinson." The prince in question began to tremble, anger rushing through him. He was at a loss words. How dare the Allfather come and try to handle this for him? He didn't want help from anyone, but especially not from the man who lied all those years, then left him suffering when the truth finally came out.

"No." He said finally. "I am not Odinson." He licked his lips nervously. Every eye in the room rested on him, fear and disgust aimed directly towards the Jotun. It was so silent too, in a way that was cold and distant. Loki felt as if he was in a dream, thoughts floating above him as his body spoke.

"Loki please." Thor came from behind him, but the younger prince turned away, ignoring.

"What?" He laughed, that distinct madness creeping into his voice again. "Are you ashamed to tell the truth? To share how you took a frost giant in as your own?" Gasps rippled through the room, stinging him and satisfying him at the same time. If Loki was going to suffer, then he would make Odin feel it too.

"If I was ashamed, would I be here now?" The Allfather asked. Loki swallowed.

"You are too proud not too." He responded, a desperate look on his face. His voice wasn't even, but it was quiet, a strong emotionless disguise just barely penetrated by the pain. Barely, but enough to make a difference.

"I do not regret my actions Loki. I told you that, and I meant it." Loki was silent. Regret? _Regret_? It was far too late for regret. All that could be felt now was hate or disgust for the young prince. He wished more than anything that he could get into the Allfather's head, know what the man was thinking, what he felt about the creature raised as his son.

"Even better is how you left me to figure it out on my own." He added maliciously. "I suppose that's what the son of Laufey deserves." He said the last part quietly, letting it sink into the minds of the crowd listening to them. More gasps. It was like putting on a show. Part of Loki was trying to gain their pity, as if they might side with him and turn on Odin, something that would never happen. And another part reached for the hate he knew he would receive, feeding them bits of the truth so that their loathing would be at least justified.

The Allfather said nothing, and despite the hundreds of people in the room, it was completely silent.

"But the frost giants are monsters!" The voice of a young boy broke through the quiet. A tiny soul who had the courage or stupidity, though Loki considered them the same thing much of the time, to say what everyone else had been thinking.

A memory played in the back of his mind. Two young boys walking at their fathers side, listening to tales of valor and victory. _One day, I'll hunt down the monsters and slay them all!_ His brother's voice echoed over and over in his head, full of innocence and naivety. The prince remembered how Odin had said nothing, knowing that one of the monsters was in that very room, the closest friend and brother to the boy that wanted to kill them. It was sick.

Loki's eyes flicked over to the child, whose mother had her hand on his shoulder, frantically trying to shush him. The room seemed to hold his breath as the Jotun walked slowly over to the boy, crouching down in front of him with a tight smile.

"Don't touch him." His mother growled, and the prince rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't planning on it." He responded coldly, studying the child. He looked a lot like Thor had at that age, big blue eyes switching rapidly from defiance to fear with Loki so close.

"What are you protesting?" The prince asked quietly. The boy said nothing, eyes wide with fear. "I'm not going to hurt you. Tell me, what were you protesting?"

"W-what?" He stuttered, taking a step back. Loki made a point to look annoyed and condescending, though he doubted the child picked up it beyond the blue.

"'But frost giants are monsters' you said." He explained carefully, coldly. "It suggests that you are against something, protesting. What is it?" The boy shook his head quickly.

"I didn't think-"

"Well you obviously didn't think, but everyone in this room agrees with you, so that is beyond the point." He spoke bitterly. "I'm asking you what it is you're protesting against." When the boy stayed quiet, he continued.

"Did you mean that I cannot be Jotun, because they are monsters? Nice sentiment, I suppose. Or maybe you were protesting Odin's choice long ago, to bring a giant into Asgard? Perhaps the fact that Odin hasn't locked me yet? Because that's what you do with monsters, right?" His voice got consistently louder, and by the end he was approaching a yell. The boy was still silent, and reached over to hug his mother rather than answer the Jotun.

"Or maybe you are just repeating what everyone has told you your whole life." He said quietly. "Amusingly, I was taught the same thing."

Loki knew the confrontation had been cruel. The child had done nothing truly wrong. But he had needed to make a point, he supposed. Though in truth, he didn't even know what the point was anymore. He wondered if he had even accomplished anything besides frightening an innocent child. He wondered if the crowd even heard what he was saying and not a meaningless babble of words.

The people, citizens of Asgard, before him looked unsure. Their expressions all asked 'what now?' What were they suppose to do, with a frost giant in their midst? Act like it was normal? Surely not. Loki hated it, hated them.

"I will have you all know," Thor said, breaking the silence and reminding the younger prince he was still there. "Anyone who treats my brother cruelly must answer to me as well." Loki was tempted to scoff in response. As good as the blonde's intent was, he was far to naïve to avenge hostilities. At best perhaps his words would help prevent them. But Loki doubted it.

"Heed my son's warnings." The Allfather said, his voice a little less demanding than usual. Could this situation have disoriented him? Interesting. "Loki is still a prince of Asgard." The Jotun in question glared at him.

"I don't need you to defend me." He snarled. "Who says I _want_ to be a prince of Asgard?" Of course he wanted it. He wanted it more than anything.

"It doesn't matter what you _want_." The Allfather growled. "Surely you have realized that by now." It was a low blow, in a way, but Odin couldn't show the pain and compassion he was feeling with so many people here. Loki was smart. Couldn't he figure it out for himself?

Apparently not. The Jotun's face twisted into an expression of rage.

"You do-" Loki started, but then froze, his words cut off. His eyes became glazed over in a way, and his breathing heavy. The prince knelt over and coughed, splattering violet blood on the ground. The crowd leapt back, scared and unsure.

Thor rushed to this brother's side, asking what was wrong. But Loki couldn't speak. To him everything was dizzy, swirling around him, blurring his vision. He vaguely felt the support of someone strong, Thor, holding him up, but he couldn't make sense of things.

What was happening to him? His brain didn't have the energy to analyze it. But it frightened him, and he reached out and clawed at the air in confusion, his hand colliding with some surface, one that felt like skin.

Then all at once, everything disappeared, leaving Loki consumed by darkness, unconscious.

Thor lifted his brother's dead weight up, feeling his arm where Loki's skin had burned him. The blonde didn't know what had happened, or why, but he knew the prince needed medical attention. Quickly. He barked orders to some warriors, still standing in shock.

Odin was gone, sending a dart of rage through the prince. But his top priority was getting the Jotun to safety, as he carried his brother out of the room.

A part of him hoped that maybe, just maybe, now things would go back to normal. That Loki would regain his Aesir form. Sure, he would still be Jotun but it would hurt him so much less. Or maybe he would forget it, and Odin could confess again, this time the right way. Maybe Loki wouldn't have to be in so much pain anymore.

Boy, was he wrong.

**Please read and review! :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**It's been like 6 months since I updated this. Sorry, I haven't had much time. ;_; Also sorry that I have no clue when the next update will be. **

**Anyway, here ya go. I wanted to show that 1) Frigga is actually a badass, and 2) Laufey has a lot in common with Loki personality wise. Enjoy!**

Thor stared at the blue sleeping figure, his brother, lying on soft furs. He wished he could say the prince looked peaceful, but Loki tossed and turned in his sleep.

It reminded him of when they were young, on the nights when the smaller brother would whimper, restless, at night. It was before they got separate rooms, and Thor would shake the smaller boy awake, away from whatever nightmares plagued him. It never truly helped, and when the boys grew too old to share a chamber, the blonde wondered whether he still looked so haunted in his sleep.

With the Jotun resting before him for the first time in years, Thor could tell his brother was in pain. Maybe not physical pain, but the way the Jotun clenched his fists, letting out short gasps of breath, made it clear how deeply the truth still haunted him.

How could someone so hurt be a monster? The blonde prince didn't know. He wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Frigga stood over Loki, her hand on his as she worried for her son.

"Is it safe?" Thor asked quietly, nodding to where his mother touched the blue skin. Frigga offered a small smile.

"It seems in sleep the ice is suppressed some." She replied. Thor walked forward, tentatively touching a thumb to his brother's forehead. For a second he recoiled; the skin was still cold as ice. It reminded him of times in war, when he hauled the freezing bodies of dead warriors through the snows of Jotunheimr. The very thought sent him shivers.

Frigga saw his discomfort, and closed her eyes, head resting on the large bed where Loki rested. The blonde pressed his thumb back down, brushing over the patterns on his brother's forehead. He didn't like it, not at all. It seemed so unnatural, the cold, the texture. It wasn't the Loki he had grown up with.

And yet it was. It was still Loki. His brother Loki. And with the hurt in his features was so raw even in sleep, Thor knew it could be no other.

"What will become of you, my dear brother?" He sighed. He thought he felt a shiver run through the cold body, as if in response.

Odin pushed through the doors of the room, eyes resting on his family as he sighed.

"Do you know how to help him?" Frigga asked quietly. The Allfather winced and shook his head.

"Whatever is happening him, it is not a physical disease." He responded. "Or, at least, not one that effects the Aesir." Thor's expression hardened.

"It's your fault he's like this." He growled. "Had you acted differently he would not hurt so much."

"Silence!" Odin snapped back. "Would you rather him be dead? Had I acted differently he would had frozen away in the snows of Jotunheimr. Or perhaps tell the kingdom of his heritage, and let an innocent child endure prejudice for something he cannot help?"

"Well at least then they would've-"

"What you think he wouldn't have been ridiculed more than he already was? I am not blind, and nor are you." He sighed. "Loki already suffers for his differences, and I never wanted to make them worse."

"But," Frigga added quietly. "You could have handled it with more tact. Told him when he was old enough to handle it, been affectionate."

"Old enough to handle it?" Odin growled. "Look at him, and tell me that he's old enough to handle it even now." The room fell silent and Loki gave another shiver.

"Tact." The Queen emphasized again, and there was no response.

"Is he evil then?" The question rolled off Thor's tongue without him thinking, the question that had riddle his brain for days.

"No!" Frigga cried quickly, but Odin was quiet for a few moments before answering.

"That," he finally said, "is unknown. And I believe we will find out soon enough." Frigga stood up and put a hand on her husband's arm.

"And what of the little uproar from the ceremony?" She asked.

"I said what needed to be said, admittedly not much." He responded. "Tyr is conducting it. I just hope the news of the Jotun in Asgard doesn't spread too fast." He sighed.

"And what's wrong with that?" Frigga challenged.

"In reality, only the damage this will bring Loki." The Allfather responded, and he looked distant, emotionless, as he said it. "But many Asgardians would think differently. They might blame me. They might blame Loki. They might blame Jotunheimr. But they will deem this a crime and deem someone guilty." Frigga just shook her head in response.

"And what of him, my brother?" Thor asked. His father's expression hardened.

"If we are to help him," He said slowly. "I'll have to talk to Laufey. I'll have to go to Jotunheimr." It was not a pleasant option, they all knew. Asgardian relations with the frost giants had been rough in recent years, not to mention Thor's adventure just recently.

"And what's this 'I' that I keep hearing?" Frigga asked, a sad smile playing at her lips.

"Yes. We will be accompanying you, of course." Thor agreed with as much enthusiasm as he could manage.

"And leave Asgard without it's royal family?" Odin bristled.

"We have a family issue to attend to." The queen nodded at Loki. "I recon that excuses my coming."

"Thor is not allowed to leave the kingdom."

"Thor can stay and watch Loki, then." She answered easily. "Unless we must bring our Jotun son with us." Odin and Thor tensed at her word choice, but she didn't appear to notice.

"But-" Thor was cut off.

"Fine." The Allfather said. "You may come with me, Frigga. But Thor, you are not to leave the castle while we are gone, unless there is an emergency." The prince glared for a moment, but then bowed his head.

"Yes, father." He said through gritted teeth.

"We will leave immediately." The Allfather growled. "Frigga arm yourself. This may be dangerous, and I will never forgive myself if you get hurt." She nodded solemnly, but Thor could swear there was a bit of excitement in her eyes.

"Protect your brother, Thor" The prince leaned down and let her kiss his forehead.

"I will." He replied. "I swear it."

"Odin." Laufey said, his voice almost amused. "And Lady Frigga. To what to I owe this pleasure?" Frigga took in the blue and white of Jotunhienr, clutching her knife. It had been thousands of years since she'd been here. The icy land seemed so much more desolate without the Casket's power.

"I think you know, Laufey." The King responded. The frost giant leaned forward on his throne.

"Surely you didn't come here to blame me for something that is your fault?" His red eyes narrowed, challenging them. "I know you're here about Loki. But you forget who's son he really is, don't you?" Frigga tensed.

"No." The Allfather growled.

"Calm yourselves." The Ice King continued, waving a hand at them. "I don't want that runt anyway. He's a freak, polluted with Asgardian values yet born something defying them all. Unfortunate really." He leaned back again, in a motion almost like a shrug.

"That's not why we're here." Frigga spoke, her voice strong. Laufey glared again.

"You Aesir are pushing your luck. First Thor rampages through my kingdom, then Loki sneaks in, and now you." He growled. "How many more times do you expect me to let this slide?" Frigga's eyes widened.

"Loki came to you?" She asked. Laufey smiled.

"Didn't you know, _my Queen_?" He said the words mockingly. "Your prince came here of his own accord. All I did was give him a nudge in the right direction." He smirked. Frigga's face darkened, but as she opened her mouth, the king cut her off.

"We are not here to discuss those matters, Laufey." Odin said solidly. "I will ignore whatever occurred before, if-" He grimaced, attempting to give up his pride. "If you will help me." Laufey laughed.

"You aren't kidding, are you?" He asked, glee flickering in his eyes. "What could the great Allfather need from the monsters of Jotunheinr?" That mocking tone again, so familiar. Frigga grimaced, realizing that was Loki's tone, Loki's voice.

"Loki." Odin answered. "He is sick, and in a way I have never seen before. I believe it is linked to his newfound… heritage."

"A Jotun to treat the Jotun? How interesting." The king mused with a sly smile. It was clear that he knew such blunt words bothered them. "Even if I did have a clue what was wrong with the runt, what makes you think I would help you? You certainly don't deserve it. I could kill you on the spot, and you beg a service of me?"

"You know you couldn't." Odin growled back. The queen bit her lip. Her husband wasn't handling this right. Laufey wouldn't respond well to threats. They would have to use a different strategy. She took a step forward.

"Name a price, if you wish. We can discuss it." She said. "I just wish to help my son. That's all." The frost giant tilted his head, smiling.

"The Casket." He said.

"I'd sooner die myself." Odin snapped.

"That works too." He smirked. "Though it seems a bit extreme." Frigga looked at her husband, begging him to let her handle it. He nodded slowly.

"Neither of those, Laufey." She said. "But, perhaps there is something else you desire? We will ignore the offenses your people have committed on our realm? What more do you want?" He was quiet for a moment, thinking.

"If I heal the runt," He started slowly. "You will return to me my staff, the one you took many years ago. You know it holds little power, but you took it to symbolize your _victory_ over my kingdom. I want it back." His words were cold now, as if remembering the day many years ago.

"That," Odin replied. "I can agree to. But I will return to you your weapon only _after_ Loki is healed."

"Fine." The ice king said. "Bring him immediately, and I will do what I can."

**Please read and review! Might help me update faster too!**


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